How bloody good are we at saying other people are ace at cricket? We’re really bloody good at it – that’s how bloody good at it we are.
Perhaps it’s because we’ve spent our entire life honing our sense of how much everyone else is better than us. Show us someone and we’ll instantly tell you how they’re better than us.
Yuvraj Singh is better than us because he’s the finest one-day international batsman in the world. He’s better than us because he’s got rare talent, a great eye, unbelievable timing and astonishing power. He’s better than us because he managed to hit six sixes in an over.
The six sixes off poor, hapless Stuart Broad – who became visibly younger with each inevitable blow – formed the unusually brief bulk of his innings of 58 off (count ’em) 16 balls.
Absolutely stunning and if the Indian public don’t go for Twenty20 now, they never will.
We have been using the word “hapless” a lot during this tournament. At one point we were trying to decide whether the New Zealand fielding was best described as “hapless” or “creaky”, but then we realised we’d better shut up about that and since then have been applying the word exclusively to England. The word “hapless”, that is, not the word “exclusively”.
‘Tis true — England have no hap. At the moment, Pakistan are hoarding the hap like a ginger schoolboy who’s just won all the marbles.
They let Yuvraj borrow a fairly large helping of hap, but he’s probably had to give it back already. Or the ginger lad’s big brother would give him an evil Chinese burn.
Will you look at those bracketed words in our penultimate paragraph.
Is that an apostrophe? We think not.
Computers think they’re so clever, but if a computer ever ‘corrects’ an apostrophe of ours and turns it into an opening quotation mark again, we’re going to chisel a hole in the side of it and fill it full of orange juice.
The typographical moron.
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