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We’re having one of those bizarre moments of doubt. Do cricketers play in the Ashes? It sounds wrong to say they ‘play the Ashes’ but ‘play in the Ashes’ suddenly sounds like the person’s a gleeful pyromaniac dancing in the aftermath of their latest deed.
We’ve started a new feature in this week’s Cricket Badger (sign up here). It’s called Australia Pace Attack Injury Watch (catchy, we know) and it’s based on the high likelihood that Australia will suffer at least a couple more fast bowling injuries in the coming months.
Australia’s fearsome four-pronged pace attack
The joke is not at the players’ expense. It’s shitty for them to pursue something wholeheartedly only to repeatedly find themselves sitting on the sidelines for extended periods. It’s more about the Ashes build-up and excited media coverage of “Australia’s four-pronged pace attack”.
There was, in theory, a possibility that the home team might field Mitchell Starc, Pat Cummins, James Pattinson and Josh Hazlewood in the same side. It is also possible that all the world’s ducks might start clambering onto each other to form giant megaducks, each comprising thousands of individuals. Possible, but highly unlikely.
James Pattinson was this week diagnosed with a stress fracture, so Australia have already lost one prong. The first Test is, what, six weeks away, so further prongs could yet disappear (or fail to sufficiently recover, because they’re not all exactly fit and firing as it is). Oh for the certainty of the good old days of Ryan Harris, eh?
The truth of the matter is that Australia will field ‘some sort of attack’ in the Ashes and it will probably feature one or two of those names or maybe none of them. Who will fill the gaps? Who will actually play?
Who will step into the breach come side strain or knee knack?
Well not John Hastings, that’s for sure. While he only has one Test cap, we can’t be too sure how far down the list Australia will get. But he’s off it altogether though, having retired from the format today due to a back injury.
That leaves us with names like Nathan Coulter-Nile, Hilton Cartwright, Trent Copeland and Jackson Bird. We haven’t bothered checking whether any of these players are currently fit.
Maybe also Peter Siddle. The actually-not-particularly-old-timer’s taken five wickets in Victoria’s first two one-day games this season.
If you feel like you haven’t heard from Siddle in a while, you haven’t – he hasn’t played since last November due to injury.
Feels like we’ve been here before.
As a keen ornithologist, I think if that megaduck thing had happened eider known about it. Maybe the Aussies should shoveler few more spare bowlers into the squad for contingency. Sorry for ruddy awful duck puns…work calls, teal next time!
Your mega-duck metaphor puts me in mind of the frontispiece the 17th Century political tract “Leviathan”. I think it was by Jack Hobbs.
Not Tony Lock? We always get those two mixed up.
I always liked his Funky Cold Medina.
Every time I see the appeals in the Badger, I feel guilty for never having recognised a cricketer outside the cricket.
Does cricketer spotted on way to cricket match in which he’s playing count? If so, I’ve got a belter from all the way back in 2000.
Absolutely counts. Please email it.
If you have a single prong, is is still a prong? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone describe anything as ‘one-pronged’.
Anyway, it will all be fine as long as they get injured as a unit.
That’s an interesting question. A single prong is really just a tiny spear, isn’t it?
Or a crossbow bolt.
The only one-pronged attack that can inflict Championship relegation, Ged?
Just so, although it seems you only need two prongs to win the county championship, according to KC’s analysis of this year’s Essex campaign.
This is “two prong theory” is illustrated in the “Lusty Gallant” picture emblazoning the following Ogblog piece:
http://ianlouisharris.com/2017/10/02/will-you-go-walk-the-woods-so-wild-paul-odette-lunchtime-concert-wigmore-hall-2-october-2017/
Coincidentally, William Byrd was one of Essex’s finest, although his ability to twirl a fine galliard is well-evidenced, whereas his ability to twirl some fearsome off-breaks is merely apocryphal.
William Byrd did famously, albeit metaphorically, bowl off both the right and left foot.
Starc, Cummins, Pattinson, Hazlewood vs Anderson, Broad, Ali, Woakes. Stamminwood vs Androlikes. The competition is heating up already.
Indeed how much Stammin-a they have may well be a deciding factor.
Australia will somehow manage even if unfit. I’m worried about Anderson, Broad and the 3rd seamer even if fit. Also, England don’t have a Peter Siddle, unless our idea of that is Finn.