Samit Patel | King Cricket

December 14, 2020 England / Features

Let’s try and identify England’s purest and greatest bits and pieces cricketer

8 minute readA bits-and-pieces cricketer is a player who wouldn’t warrant a place in the side as a batsman or a bowler but somehow gets picked anyway based on cumulative all-round ability. Let’s try and find England’s purest and greatest bits and pieces cricketer. Before we get into this, you may be

May 18, 2016 County cricket

Samit Patel is a big fat loser – a majestic, admirable, envied, big fat loser (plus a round-up of this week’s other first division matches)

2 minute readIf respect were something tangible and delicious rather than an abstract concept, Samit Patel earned more of it than even he could eat this week. He also won the battle of the Patels. What he did not win was ‘the match for Nottinghamshire against Warwickshire’. The man Kevin Pietersen calls

November 1, 2015 England

England’s strongest unit supported by England’s biggest unit

2 minute readAt lunch, Samit Patel had 0-33 off nine overs – neither here nor there. Fortunately, lunch is Samit’s secret weapon. Popeye gains superpowers when he consumes spinach. In much the same way, Samit Patel gains superpowers when he eats pretty much anything. “Bring forth the pastries!” he cried. After lunch,

October 30, 2015 England

Why Samit Patel should play in place of Mark Wood

< 1 minute readMark Wood’s duff ankle means he won’t play the third Test against Pakistan. So who should replace him? Over at Cricinfo, Andrew McGlashan argues that Liam Plunkett is the logical choice. Being as Chris Jordan was only a late call-up to replace Steven Finn, Plunkett is the next pace bowler

September 23, 2015 England

Samit Patel’s back

< 1 minute readAs in ‘returned’. He hasn’t got ankylosing spondylitis or anything. Or maybe he has. Maybe he’s not fat and it’s chronic inflammation. Big boned and all that. He’s also back in the England squad. We’ve said it about Samit Patel before and we’ll say it again, but sometimes picking an

May 8, 2014 County cricket / England

Or how about Samit Patel?

< 1 minute readThis early season is taking us back. Before Panesar and then Swann, picking an England spin bowler was like buying discounted fruit and veg. There was something wrong with whatever you chose, but could you find a way of using it somehow? You needed the vitamins, after all. We feel

February 29, 2012 England

Why is Samit Patel in the England Test squad?

< 1 minute readLife’s about compromise. That’s what we’ll tell our kids when we take them to Lancashire v Yorkshire and buy them an ice cream between them instead of splashing out on Alton Towers tickets. If the Battotron 9000 averages 50, but has to be bolted to the floor in order to

January 20, 2011 England

Samit Patel makes a commitment

< 1 minute readIt would seem that Samit Patel is fully committed to maintaining his lardy physique. As Andy Flower said: “He was chosen on the condition that he would improve his physical state to be in consideration for this squad of 15. He hasn’t done that.” Good work, Samit. That’s commitment. Don’t

January 7, 2010 England

Samit Patel looks to Darren Lehmann for help

< 1 minute readEveryone needs a role model and with Samit Patel’s weight issues, who better to turn to than Mark Cosgrove‘s mentor. Samit Patel is heading to Darren Lehmann’s cricket academy in a bid to get in shape for next season. Other places Samit considered suitable: Bed The settee A bakery

March 4, 2009 England

Samit Patel in ‘unacceptable level of fitness’ shocker

< 1 minute readThe ECB have released a statement announcing that Samit Patel has been dropped from England’s one-day squad. We’ll paraphrase for you: Samit Patel is fat. We’re glad our employers don’t make press releases about the personal flaws that affect our work. It would be disconcerting to open a newspaper and