Posted by Send your match reports to king@kingcricket.co.uk. We’re only really interested in your own experience, so if it’s a professional match, on no account mention the cricket itself. (But if it’s an amateur match, feel free to go into excruciating detail.)
Sam Blackledge had a press pass for T20 Blast Finals Day which may or may not have been secured for the purposes of writing the following match report…
I travelled up to Birmingham from the West Country, sweating and panting. The heatwave, or excitement about what was to come?
Getting into the ground is often the hardest part. But my accreditation was all in order and I nabbed a spot in the middle of Edgbaston’s big blue media box, right behind the bowler’s arm.
Vithushan Ehantharajah, Matt Roller and John Etheridge were sitting in front of me, almost within touching distance. During the first semi-final George Dobell turned up, larger than life, shaking hands and cracking jokes like everyone’s favourite but slightly scary uncle. I stared gormlessly at him, in the way normal people do when they come face-to-face with the Queen or Paul McCartney.
The mascot race came and went. After opening up an early lead, Lanky the Giraffe got his head stuck in a net and left the way open for Alfred the Gorilla (Gloucestershire, apparently. No, me neither) to pinch first place.
Queuing up for lunch, I said ‘No, after you’ to Ravi Bopara and squeezed past the not inconsiderable figure of Carlos Brathwaite.
Nerves got the better of me and I made the fatal error of choosing roast dinner over vegetarian curry. A free water bottle and reuseable coffee cup eased the pain, along with a weird ‘Vitality Blast’ branded biscuit which I am still not sure was wholly edible.
Eventually I plucked up the courage to say hello to Somerset’s media manager, asking whether there would be interviews if they won. They didn’t win.
Before the final I did a circuit of the ground. A man projectile vomited next to me round the back of the Hollies stand.
What a lovely day.
Should there be a plural in the title like “matches report” ?
Gormless star-staring. (In)edible biscuits. Projectile vomiting.
This one had it all.
Super report.
Do you think the vomiting was induced by one of the biscuits, Sam?
Possibly. More likely a visceral reaction to Somerset’s batting.
Top reportage, Sam.
I have a dreadful feeling that your Vitality Blast branded biscuit might have in fact been a reusable coffee cup mat. An easy mistake to make once, Sam, but not twice.
I have come face-to-face with Paul McCartney – at Lord’s (The Home Of Cricket) as it happens – and can report that my response was far from gormless…but then I don’t suppose I fall into your definition of “normal people”.
I have done more circuits of Edgbaston than I could estimate and have, to date, been able to avoid projectile vomit. But Blast Finals Day is a long day, so I suspect you were venturing behind the Hollies at or beyond the witching hour. All in the call of duty for this match report, I suppose – brave, Sam, brave.
I looked up Alfred the Gorilla to see why he was called that – presumably it’s as a tribute to the real Alfred the Gorilla who was v popular at Bristol Zoo and remains so in taxidermied form in Bristol Museum. Hopefully the mascot didn’t go in for Alfred’s more scatalogical activities following his victory.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_the_Gorilla
If Stokes is carrying on with Tests and T20 but stopping ODIs, then do we need to rethink the ‘red ball’/white ball’ dichotomy, and if so then surely many players who harbour ambitions of both Ashes glory and IPL riches will be tempted to drop the 50-over format like a melting ice cream that a fly has landed in?