England

Samit Patel makes a commitment

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< 1 minute read

It would seem that Samit Patel is fully committed to maintaining his lardy physique.

As Andy Flower said:

“He was chosen on the condition that he would improve his physical state to be in consideration for this squad of 15. He hasn’t done that.”

Good work, Samit. That’s commitment. Don’t let a World Cup place deter you from your ultimate goal of ‘remaining pretty fat’.

It reminds us of when Mark Cosgrove was told he could get as fat as he liked until it got ‘ridiculous’. Only it’s better than that, because Samit is more of a maverick.

Samit doesn’t have express approval to do this to himself, but he’s doing it anyway. Hang the consequences. Living the dream.

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25 comments

  1. I find it hard to sympathise with Big Sam.

    When the selectors end up picking James “Is he still there” Tredwell as back-up spinner and Luke “selector’s blowjob” Wright as back-up allrounder – just because Samit has an irrational fear of excercise bikes – it tends to grate a bit.

    Tim Bresnan used to be the fat guy. Now he’s not even fat anymore (because Yorkshiremen do it better), but is still the fat guy because Samit isn’t there.

    Man up Samit, and go for a fucking run once in a while.

  2. At the end of the day what he’s saying is that England aren’t picking players purely on cricketing ability – that’s not a good precedent to still be setting. We’ll pick anyone South African or “quite posh” (inverted commas not strictly necessary), but not Big Sam, which makes me slightly angry, in an internet-based way.

    As a fellow fatty I can sympathise with him – big bags of twiglets are endlessly tempting, no matter if it’s your fourth or eleventh bag of the day. That and the fact syrup tastes better by the litre.

  3. Normally, Bastheram, I’d agree with you. But we’re talking about a World Cup in India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. That means playing cricket in incredibly difficult conditions, which is physically draining. It means playing a lot of cricket in a short time period, which is physically draining. It means lots of travel, which is physically draining.
    We don’t need players who can play well in match 1, we need players who can play well in all games up to an including the final. And to do that, given the above considerations, you have to be fit.

  4. But string, if there’s a lot of physical draining coming up, don’t you want men who already have the calories to take it head-on?

  5. Surely this unshakeable faith in his own methods is what sets Samit apart as a cricketer of rare perseverance and self belief?

  6. Deep; we’re approaching this from the wrong angle.

    In such hot conditions, where there is such a physical demand, it is harder to get fat. The body burns more calories. Put simply, Samit has not had to work as hard for his girth as someone such as Inzi or Ranatunga did.

    Ranatunga was REALLY committed to pies. He had to put up with a climate that was trying to thin him out. Samit hasn’t really had to try that hard at all on a worldwide scale; he should be much fatter given his geographical advantages.

    I think this is what Andy Flower meant when he said “improve his physical state”. He’s well behind the global fatness/climate curve.

  7. string, I disagree. Hot conditions don’t magically increase your metabolism. They make it harder for your body to retain water, as you sweat a lot. But that doesn’t mean you burn fat easier in Mumbai than in London.

    But then, the last time I studied biology was in high school, so I could well be wrong.

  10. KC, I meant the discussion and comparison of fat cricketers. Your site has always been in the vanguard of this movement.

  11. I like cricket, I like a lot of cricketers, but fat cricketers are undoubtedly the best kind. This opinion has nothing to do with my own bulk.

  12. Surely this is a question of attitude? Samit Patel is just lazy. He can’t be arsed to shed a few pounds in order to claim an England spot. Some of his teammates would trade their life savings for an international place. It is a big deal.

    Imagine if Flower had asked him to work on his batting technique for a spot, and Samit refused like he’s done here. We’d be incensed.

    Flower doesn’t want shits like that in the side. Fair enough.

  13. We fully agree with that interpretation and the sentiments of Andy Flower.

    On the other hand, we DO love a fat cricketer…

  14. I hark to the fact that he’s going to have to play on the subcontinent but the only difference it’ll make is that he’ll need a lot more suncream to cover broad face than the other, thinner, players. I have a lot of respect for Samit as he’s not willing to change to get picked – he’s not willing to sell out, which is perfectly right. He wouldn’t be half the player he is (literally) if he shed the weight, because he’s learnt how to succeed despite his girth. Fat deserves respect.

  16. It’s ok, I’ve just read the article on cricinfo myself. A most amusing one I must say.

    When I read this post first, I thought I was in some sort of timewarp.

    You do have to admire Samit an awful lot. I’d give one of my testicles to play for England. Samit’s got the talent and ability, but just prefers biscuits and cake. Amazing.

  18. Would the removal of one of your testicles lighten your load sufficiently yo attract Andy Flower’s interest in your cricketing talents, Dandy Dan?

    Or have I missed the point?

  19. You don’t have to be fit to play international cricket, but it helps. If Samit Patel could bat like Mike Gatting or bowl like Shane Warne, he could be as fat as a house and get picked (see Mike Gatting and Shane Warne). But who does anyone think he could replace in the team without making it worse because he isn’t as fit? Nobody, that’s who, and therefore there is absolutely no point in taking him.

    It also says a lot (as others have said) about his attitude. Being a Wigan lad, I remember an All Black player who ended up playing for Wigan by the name of Frano Botica. Pretty good stand off half he was, but when he was on the fringes of the All Black team he decided that his chances of being picked would be improved if he learned how to kick goals. So he did, and he became the best in the world at it. He didn’t rely on the skills that had made him a good player – he added some more.

    Samit Patel’s fitness is just like that. If he really, really wanted to play for England, he’d get fit. He hasn’t, so therefore he doesn’t care all that much. Does England need a player who doesn’t really, really want to play for them? No.

  20. Whilst I am a huge fan of fat cricketers, in fact I have a huge admiration for all fat sportsmen the world over (by sports, I don’t include things like golf) but there are at least two exceptions to the rule

    – jacques kallis
    – Mark Boucher

    In fact, any fat south african cricketer

  21. Further to Bert’s point, in many ways the WHOLE POINT of a fat cricketer is that he’s exceptional while being fat.

    Samit Patel is roughly equivalent to all of Ian Blackwell, Mike Yardy and James Tredwell. He ain’t no Graeme Swann with the ball and he ain’t out of sight of him with the bat.

    Now Darren Lehmann – there was a fat cricketer who made his weight a plus point because all the hundreds seemed to prove that the weight quite simply wasn’t a negative point.

    Inzamam-ul-Haq was the ultimate example. One of the best batsmen in the world who just happened to be fat.

    If Samit Patel thinks it is only his weight that is keeping him out of the England team, he’s got an unjustifiably high opinion of himself.

  22. How does Cossie fit into the model of ‘select the best players regardless of how fat they are’ KC? Cossie had to move to Tasmania to get a game and despite an amazing run of form it’s obvious the current administration will not select him until he loses weight, hell they only selected Marsh (who is not fat) because there were no other batsmen under contract capable of more than a hobble.
    In searching for good ‘athletes’ all that modern selectors have done is produce a new breed of fragile cricketers that need to be wrapped in cotton wool in case they break a leg or strain a muscle.
    Would Inzy strain a muscle? Fuck no! He wasnt stupid enough to run hard enough to do that in the first place.

  23. Don’t know Cosgrove well enough to know whether he deserves an Australia spot or not.

    Just like him because he’s REALLY fat.

  25. To futher the Rugby League stuff, Ray French used to say that a good little ‘un is good, but a good big ‘un is better. Andy Gregory could play for Great Britain despite being 5ft 4, but he had to be as good as Andy Gregory to be able to do it.

    In these terms, a good fat ‘un is good, but a good fit ‘un is better. Patel is no Andy Gregory.

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