England / India / Pakistan / South Africa / Sri Lanka / West Indies

Our World Twenty20 XI

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< 1 minute read

Tell you what’s boring: people picking fantasy teams and then publishing them on their websites. Who cares? The arrogance of these people to think anyone would be remotely interested.

Here’s ours.

  1. Chris Gayle – plays forward defensives and sixes with the same facial expression
  2. Tillekeratne Dilshan – reliable, effective and has given us the rather frightening ‘Dilscoop’ where you basically try and play the ball into your own face
  3. AB De Villiers – he was on this list before the tournament even started
  4. Kevin Pietersen – you expect more, but he scored a good few runs at a fair lick
  5. Yuvraj Singh – turdish exterior can’t sully clinical six-hitting ability
  6. Kumar Sangakkara – enduring the stench of ‘glove hands’ for a week or two
  7. Roelof van der Merwe – we’re still not entirely sure how, but no-one can score off this boss-eyed tweaker (Saeed Ajmal a very close second for this spot)
  8. Wayne Parnell – yet another South African fast bowler – great…
  9. Umar Gul – reverse swing it at the stumps, repeat, repeat, repeat…
  10. Lasith Malinga – that arm is getting lower than a Barry White record played at the wrong speed (finger on the cultural and technological pulse, as ever)
  11. Ajantha Mendis – his weirdness sometimes obscures his brilliance

Dwayne Bravo is 12th man. David Lloyd and Anil Kumble commentate.

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15 comments

  1. I read it and thought “hang on, you’ve missed loads of obvious choices” but then couldn’t really think of any better than in your squad. Think Bravo should start instead of van der Merwe (Gayle & KP can share the 2nd spinner’s duties). And would maybe give Redmond 12th man as testament to a couple of fine knocks after he was only playing club cricket over here a few weeks back.

    I trust you’re having big Bob Key as waterboy. I’ll take Swanny to keep the lads’ spirits high.

    Nass in for Bumble.

  2. Hopefully, by picking a few Saffers, you’ll jinx them just in time for the semi-final.

  3. Love the commentating combo, Anil is awesome and Bumble is, well, he’s just bumble. Benno, how can you suggest Nass? He’s almost as bad as Botham.

    Note Dilshan has yet to successfully execute the Dilscoop.

  4. I think there should be room for the mellifluous voice of Ian Bishop in the commentary box, and I would also like to see Younis Kahn in the team for sheer chipperness in the face of insanity- the main prerequisite for being the captain of Pakistan.

  5. Well I’d rather have Willis if he were ever allowed out of the studio pundit’s chair, but Nass has still got the fire in his belly for England and says it how it is. Plus his commentary is always informative. Bumble is just a bit of a clown. Agree Sir Beefy is rubbish. If Aggers were part of the Sky team he’d be the first name on my commentary teamsheet.

  6. Jrod called the Dilshan shot the Dishan Dentist – i thought this was nicer than Dilscoop – so i am spreading the word.

    Anyone to commentate but ‘Nasty’ Nick Knight and his impossibly moving eyebrows. He is so annoying and always sounds like someone else.

    Even more annoying than “Southall Travel, for all your just f**k off and die”

  8. “try and play the ball into your own face”

    He didn’t succeed in hitting his own face.

  9. You know what’s much, much more boring? Other people talking about their diets / weight loss regimes.

    ANYway. Great selection KC. Glove hands! I have been learning how to play cricket lately, and was given a pair of gloves that were more than a few years old, to start batting with. It’s not the stench that bothers me, it’s the little crumbly bits of GOD KNOWS WHAT that was all over my hands/ under my nails afterwards.

  11. no afridi? seriously? its like picking a list of people you want to smack with an anvil and leaving out Hayden

  12. KC

    by leaving out Afridi, you reveal your underlying disinterest in twenty/20

    you’re cat after all?

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