Mop-up of the day – leading, forgiving and send-offs

1. I don’t know how you can call Kemar’s deep and thought-provoking tweets “bollocks”, your maj. Gems like “If She Ain’t Acting Right And Playing Her Role, Cut Her Off!” and “One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasure!” are words to live your life by.

2. Anderson and Jadeja not guilty. Well done, everyone. What a giant waste of time.

   1. The important thing is I don’t have to take him out of my Fantasy team now.

   2. This.

      Although apparently Buvaneshwar is an injury doubt.

      I feel like a punter on the illegal Indian betting market. Any scrap of rumour about selection or fitness could make a big difference.

      I’m planning to leave it as late as possible before making transfers. Although I’ll probably end up forgetting.

   3. You won’t end up forgetting, Sam, as I’LL be reminding YOU to tinker this time.

      Meanwhile my belief in justice and common sense is restored/enhanced by the result of the disciplinary.

      No doubt there will be many words of diplomacy, homespun wisdom and apple pie in the judgement itself. But in the vernacular, the judicial commissioner has decreed that the matter was a storm in a teacup after all.

      Actually it’s the judicial commissioner I feel sorry for – a six hour hearing starting at 8:00 pm his time and ending at 2:00 in the morning. The only cruel and unusual punishment involved was upon him, poor fella.

   4. I thought it might be fun, given his nigh-ubiquity (>94%) within the fantasy sides, to have everyone scrambling to plug that gap in individual ways, but I am pleased he and his beard will remain with us for the rest of the series.

   5. thank goodness ICC allowed BCCI’s appeal against Jadeja. Else Jadeja would have remained guilty but Anderson would’ave been cleared – sparking off another needless diplomatic incident

   6. Patrick – I’m considering trying to pick players who will definitely play but whom nobody else will go for. If we all keep picking the Kohlis, Bells, Andersons and Broads, nothing will ever change.

   7. You’re not still picking Kohli, are you?

      I hear Ashwin is nailed on to play at OT. Get him in now.

      In terms of unusual choices, last match I had two keepers and only three bowlers. And I still did much better than the previous two Tests.

      I might try for the novelty of having 11 players for the next game.

   8. I am picking two keepers, one of whom is Wridhiman Saha. Because conformism is for pussies.

   9. I’m somehow ninth in the mini-league (109th in the overall thing) despite picking what I’d assume would be everyone’s team. Except I’ve got Sam Robson in and I don’t know why. And I’m still picking Kohli. He’s going to come good in the fifth test and win me a Trion:Z band. I can feel it.

   10. Sam Robson’s not even the best player in his family.

       It’ll be interesting if Angus ever ends up playing for Australia.

   11. You mean like the Pattinson family? Australia got the better end of that deal by a long shot.

   12. Not if they ever need a roof tiling, they didn’t.

3. would like to see a suspended 4 match ban for Anderson, just to see if that makes him think twice on future on field sledging

   1. On the one hand, I bloody loathe sledging. On the other, I want England to be able to field a full-strength team. On my Zaphod Beeblebrox-style third hand, what Daneel said. So this is a good outcome by two hands to one.

   2. If you can bowl over 90 mph I think you should be allowed to sledge as (vide Mitchell Johnson this winter) it adds a bit of devilment. If you can’t, it just looks a bit silly, and should be banned on aesthetic grounds.

4. cop-out of a decision really

   1. If they had called the cops out, this piffling affair wouldn’t have gone this far.

5. Nasser Hussain! Graham Gooch! Peter Such! Paul Prichard! Ashley Cowan! The cast of TOWIE! Can you hear me, the cast of TOWIE! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

   See you at finals day, suckers!

   Youuuuuuu Beeaaaars!

   Sorry about that everyone. Couldn’t help myself. As you were.

   1. Frankly, Sam, I’d feel happier for you if your team had stuck with its traditional name, Warwickshire.

      Renaming the side Birmingham for this tournament is an abomination. Someone should be turned into a pillar of salt or perhaps the whole city should be consumed by fire and brimstone. Some sort of Old Testament punishment is in order, that’s all I’m saying.

      Still, well done.

   2. I’m with you. The fans still call them Warwickshire.

   3. Glad to learn that you are with me, Sam.

      Which Old Testament method of retribution do you have in mind to be inflicted upon your beloved club, then?

      Fire? Brimstone? Nick Knight to commentate upon their games for all eternity?

   4. A plague of rampaging bears would surely be most appropriate.

   5. Knight has already predicted that the Bears will lose in the semi-final. That’s loyalty for you.

      What he actually said was: “Do I think they will beat Surrey? No.”

   6. At least he ventured an opinion for once.

   7. Loyalty? Didn’t Warks poach him from Essex to start with?

   8. Another one of Nick’s gems on Friday night was in response to Bumble’s question about how the pitch is likely to play on finals day: “I don’t know. You shouldn’t have asked me.”

      Also enjoying the obvious tension between Knight and Dominic Cork at the moment. They clearly don’t get on.

   9. I have often wondered about the “Bears” bit. Not that it comes from the Warwickshire crest (that’s obvious), but why the crest is what it is, viz, a bear and shitty stick.

      It turns out that Morvidus, ancient and non-existent King of the Britons, slewed a giant with an uprooted tree which was a bit raggedy, while Arthal, ancient and non-existent King of the Britons, had a name that means “bear”. So two ancient and non-existent people were combined on the badge of the Earls of Warwick because… just because.

      Also, after a battle once Morvidus asked for all the prisoners to be brought to him, whereupon he slewnded each one individually and personally till he got tired, after which he had the rest flayed and burned. Eventually, he was eaten by a dragon in the Irish Sea. Nick Knight is believed to be a direct descendant.

   10. They’re actually considering changing the club’s slogan to ‘…and will it go all the way? Yep, will be four’.

6. Liam Plunkett’s injured. That means that my entire transfer budget this test is going be based on (a) rearranging the bowling, which contained Plunkett and Sharma last test, and (b) scrapping Virat after three tests of non-performance.

7. Can someone please explain why does Gordon Lewis need to be “comfortably satisfied”? Why is he so demanding? Why? Why was he not happy being just “comfortable” or just “satisfied”? I was really looking forward to some bans for Anderson and Jadeja.

   1. It’s interesting that this is an actual legal thing, one step down from ‘beyond reasonable doubt’.

   2. Yes. What is also interesting is the first 10-20 links on a Google search for “comfortable satisfaction” are all related to sports and doping.

   3. Because he’s a lawyer and gets paid by the hour.

      I see at least one Cricinfo hack wants Dave Richardson to appeal the decision now, complete absence of evidence be damned.

      I hope the referees and umpires have told everyone to grow up, and that should be that.

   4. Daneel, I am not comfortably satisfied! While Gordon Lewis is a lawyer and lawyers usually get paid by the hour, I am not comfortably satisfied that this was the reason for Lewis’ lack of “comfortable satisfaction”.

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