Australia / Pakistan

Mohammad Amir: the most intermittently magnificent bowler in the world

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Mohammad Amir 3 (via ICC video)

2019 Cricket World Cup, Game 17, Australia v Pakistan

Mohammad Amir’s powder was drier than camel biltong. No-one could really remember when he last made use of it. Some people said it was in the final of the 2017 Champions Trophy when he dismissed Virat Kohli one ball after seeing him dropped, but memories aren’t what they used to be, so no-one was willing to commit to that.

As we’ve written before, prison changes a man in the very specific sense that it slightly dulls cricket brilliance. If one Mohammad Amir entered Feltham Young Offenders Institution in 2011, then we reckon that three different Mohammad Amirs emerged.

Mohammad Amir 1 is a strange doppelganger who can do 99 per cent of what the original Mohammad Amir could do, but not the crucial one per cent that happens when he lets go of the ball. He runs in, his arm whips over and then for the briefest of moments he’s Ruchira Perera or someone and nothing much of any consequence happens. This is the Mohammad Amir we’ve seen most of.

Mohammad Amir 2 is the subject of an actual curse. He retains all of his skills, but must live out his life in a purgatory inhabited by team-mates with no fingers and heavily-greased palms. He bowls, he finds the edge, he watches the ball hit the turf.

Mohammad Amir 3 runs in exactly the same as the other two and bowls the ball the same as the second guy, only in his case the catches stick.

Australia were 277-4 when Mohammad Amir 3 came on to bowl the 43rd over and they finished 307 all out. This wasn’t even the spell where he bowled best.

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18 comments

  1. New favourite hobby: scrolling through hundreds of tweets from Indian fans complaining about the weather. Apparently it’s all the ICC’s fault. In the words of Andy Zaltzman, if only they had scheduled it for a different year.

    1. If only they’d scheduled it last year! We were in the middle of that heat wave. Silly ICC

    2. Not the weather, but the damp squib is definitely the ICC’s fault. They should have insisted on a July-Aug schedule, prepared for full ground coverage, setup manpower, planned for smarter reserve days – (maybe 3 days in the middle of the tournament, 3 days at the end). Just throwing your hands up, and not planning for a rainy June is not good enough. People in the subcontinent have spent substantial amounts on travel, broadcast rights, sponsorships, events… It is a big deal and the ICC have been caught napping.

      1. If India – Pak is a washout, as forecast, the broadcaster loses 10 million pounds; assuming 10,000 travelling fans have spent a conservative average of 1000 pounds each around the match, that’s another 10 million pounds.

        In India, a friend who had his 40th birthday last week, is holding a bash this weekend with the India – pak game in mind. 30 people from all over the country are traveling to Mumbai for it, and watching the game with 30 of your mates was definitely part of the appeal 🙂

      2. Don’t know about other parts of the country, but July and August are normally the wetter months here in Manchester. May and June a much better bet.

  2. Absolute scenes at Canterbury. Finally starting to believe this could be the year…

  3. From the Daily Telegraph:

    ‘With Jos Buttler back training on Wednesday in what was largely an enforced indoor session due to rain at the Hampshire Bowl, England are giving serious thought to playing a second spinner and pairing Moeen Ali, whose wife gave birth to their baby daughter on Wednesday, with Adil Rashid.’

    Busy boys.

    1. Inelegant writing at best. Confusing at worst.

      I am not 100% sure that the final comma ensures that Adil Rashid is spared all culpability for the Ali baby daughter’s birth.

      Further, shouldn’t the “and” be a “by”.

      Standards are slipping at The Torygraph, Sam.

    1. I await your three minute interview with that bottle-less git with a mixture of dread and interest.

      It looks as though we’ll be replacing vacuity with mendacity. Oh dear.

      1. We have had some extremely long discussions about the distinction between a ‘git’ and a ‘get’ but alas drink had been taken and we can’t pass on our conclusions.

      1. Camp-Bell was unquestionably a get.

        John-Son is unquestionably a git.

        Apologies for any confusion.

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