Mike Carberry seems a sensible Twenty20 selection

1. In more important news, Hayden is certainly taking a massive stride out of his crease at Mickey Arthur, claiming he has no right to an opinion. Top stuff. His comment about being interrogated about the baggy green on his watch is comedy gold.

2. Displaying the same command of the English language seen in his pomp, he said:

   “One thing that we can’t stand is actually being interrogated on our watch in terms of criticising the fabric of the baggy green.”

   What is the fabric, by the way? Is it cotton?

   1. Crimplene.

   2. Hayden is right, though. The Culture of the Baggy Green was what allowed Australia to be the best team in the world for all those years. It’s very hard to define exactly what it is, this Baggy Green Culture, but in general terms it seems to be this:

      1. Have every last one of the world’s oustanding test bowlers in your team.
      2. Wear a green hat.

   3. Lyon got his job of singing the (heh!) victory song from Langer because he “understands and respects the fabric of the baggy green cap” – maybe you should ask him.

3. The selection of Carberry makes sense. But it is immediately negated by the inclusion of the graffiti-laden broken bowling machine that is Jade Dernbach.

4. He is definitely a Michael. Definitely. Although I have no idea why this is.

   1. Two further votes for Michael and a vote for Mickey have been received via email.

   2. How many options are there? I can think of four:

      Michael
      Mike
      Mick
      Mickey

      Four’s a lot, though. Are there any other names with such a wide choice?

   3. Alexander
      Alex
      Alec
      Al
      Sandy

   4. You missed Lex, Xander and Ally.

   5. Yeh, four is rubbish actually Sandy.

      James, Jim, Jimbo, Jimmy, Jamie

      Robert, Rob, Robbie, Bob, Bobby

      Norbert, Bert, Bertie, Nob, Nobby…

      This last one reminds me that nobody calls the current Australian test captain Nobby Clarke. Has this fallen out of popular usage? I want it resurrecting. He looks like a Nob. It would suit him.

   6. Getting him to bowl at the death of a 50-over innings with Bangladesh A nowhere near the target certainly takes the mickey, so I’ll call him that

   7. … and Sasha and Xan (as in Xan Brooks).

5. Carberry-y.

   1. Uggghhh!!!!!

      I was about to chime in with the salient point that Carberry is one of the very few players in the current squad whose name cannot be ruined with the addition of the mandatory, pally extra Y, when I see this obscenity from you, Daneely.

      I think I’d better check in to Matt Prior’s place (The Priory) to get my head sorted out.

   2. Are we absolutely positive that his name isn’t actually Michael Carberr?

      On this subject, we’re still trying to get hold of Martin Sagnew’s birth certificate. You know – the one-time Kent swing bowler who played three Tests for England.

   3. Calm down, Laddie.

   4. I think you are missing underlying convention here, KC.

      The TMS Commentary Box name extension is “ers” – Aggers, Johnners, Blowers…

      England’s name extension is “y”, as exemplified above.

      The Aussies name extension is “o”, as in Watto, Warno, Smitho…

      Mitchell Starc is wasted in the Aussie team and should join the TMS commentary team without delay.

   5. The best -o is (Greg) Chappello. He got that because for a time a lot of his appearances on scorecards looked like this:

      Chappell 0

6. Team News!

   Bird out, Faulkner in, Starc in, Khawaja out, Watson at 3, Haddin at 6.

   Clearly they are trying to disprove the usual mathematical conventions about how many groups of 11 can be drawn from a set of 18. What I like is that there is universal agreement that they’ve bowled well and batted badly, so they’ve, er, added a bowler at the expense of a batsman.

   1. From Nobby Clarke:

      “Like a lot of our young players, he’s [Faulkner]a wonderful young talent. But I think he’s got the toughness to mix it with any opposition in any form of the game at the highest level. He’s a fighter. He’s a competitor. He might not look the best all the time but he’ll find a way to stay out there and help his partner go on and make a hundred, or make sure he’s batting with the tail and find a way to get them through. I think he’s got that in him.”

      “And if he hasn’t shown all that after one test, we’ll drop him like all the rest.”

   2. Mitchell Starc’s nickname should be “fiddler’s elbow”.

   3. Got to feel sorry for Wade.

   4. He could join the TMS Commentary team and become Waders.

   5. Something to do with Oxford, -er is. It’s why we have soccer (and rugger). The modern fashion for -a is a corruption of the Oxford er (as with Gazza, Jezza). -y is from some other institution (could be Cambridge). -o is only heard in The Colonies.

   6. Thing is, they have actually tried every single batsman they brought to no avail, so why pick them? The bowlers have batted better than the batsmen anyway. I’d go with:

      Rogers, Warner, Clarke, Haddin, Smith, Starc, Faulkner, Agar, Siddle, Harris, Lyon

      (they’d still lose, but whatever)

7. Digressing once more, for the last time I promise, I just visited thehaydenway.com for reasons that are impossible for me to fathom. I note, with interest, that “Haydos” is about to be reunited with Justin Langer in the Tiwi islands.

   I fully commend their decision to pursue a same-sex union, especially in the face of trenchant political opposition here in Australia. Let’s face it, it has been on the cards for many years now and it’s just a shame they couldn’t tie the knot legally on Australian soil. Wearing each other’s Baggy Greens, of course.

8. Undigressing, my vote is for Michael btw.

   He isn’t a Mike. He just isn’t.

   Carbs is an attrocious nickname for him too.

   1. Really? On off days, he can be Good Carbs. On off days, he can be Bad Carbs. When he’s left out and complaining he’ll be Low Carbs. If he has a long run in the side then gets rested he’ll be Empty Carbs.

      With Cook, Onions and Root already there the potential for tabloid headline writing hilarity is enormous. I bet they still miss Mustard.

   2. What if the England team decide to go Paleo? What happens to him then, huh?

   3. England wouldn’t go Paleo, England would go Paley, the Aussies would go Paleo and the TMS commentary box would go Palers.

      How many more times do I have to explain this?

9. Alastair Cook is at it now.

   “He [Monty Panesar] knows he’s done wrong and let the England shirt down a bit.”

   Factually wrong, Alastair. Had it actually been his shirt he’d let down a bit, as opposed to his pants, I don’t think there would have been anything like the same fuss.

   But what is it with this veneration of cloth? Australians are respectful of hats, Englishmen mustn’t upset their shirts. Why? Do international cricketers wear mafia-like clothing? Does a disrespected green hat smile gently while secretly ordering the towels to strangle a player in the showers one day? Do the players live in fear of their trousers?

   1. We always try to avoid wronging our slippers.

10. I hope some English player (sur)named Pott emerges.

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