Kolkata Knight Riders light up the IPL with their woeful inadequacies

< 1 minute read

Every sports competition needs a narrative. People who run these sorts of tournaments always think that the narrative should be one of glory. ‘Ours is the best competition and our champions are the best team in history’. Triumphant music plays. Slow motion video soaks up the splendour.

That’s balls. What every sports competition needs is rank incompetence.

The IPL head honchos want the IPL sold as fist-pumping, adrenaline-fuelled cricket with the best players in the world giving it their all. The IPL head honchos are morons.

The artificial, forced awe that’s the IPL’s stock in trade just leaves people cold. What you need is a good dose of humanity. And what humanity’s good at is weak-willed incompetence, pettiness and sulking. Step forward Kolkata Knight Riders.

Kolkata Knight Riders are exhibiting all that’s good about sport: infighting, disillusion, disappointment and so much losing it’s a sort of achievement in itself.

Some highlights

• Coach, John Buchanan, announces his multiple captains theory – Ganguly sulks
• Buchanan announces that actually he’s changed his mind and Brendon McCullum’s going to be captain – Ganguly sulks
• The Fake IPL Player charts discord in the camp
• The team win one of their ten games
• Brendon McCullum averages 10.11

Everything’s going wrong and everybody’s really unhappy. It’s something we can all relate to.