England

Kevin Pietersen’s shambolic knee inhibits his prancing

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Kevin Pietersen in one of his less skippy fielding moments

If we had to use a word to describe Kevin Pietersen in the field, we’d use ‘prancing’. However, he hasn’t been prancing in this match. He’s been cumbersome. We also saw a photo of him running during one of the warm-ups and he was panting with neck flab caught mid flap. Clearly, based on yesterday’s evidence, he has plenty more runs in him, but there are signs we should make an effort to appreciate his innings while we can.

Pietersen describes himself as ‘an old man’ and says that his knee was ‘a shambles’ in New Zealand and will never fully recover, but as long as the joint can do its bit and allow the other parts of his body to move in the correct sequence and at the correct times in order that sixes can be whipped over the bowler’s head, he’s still in business.

Looking at the forecast for this afternoon and Monday, much of the action in this match could be considered attritional preamble for the fourth Test, which starts on Friday. By that yardstick, England have scored 120 overs to Australia’s 146 and could conceivably secure a first innings lead.

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Default ThumbnailKevin Pietersen applies a good thick layer of Polyfilla to his insecurities Default ThumbnailAndrew Strauss lets rip about Kevin Pietersen Default ThumbnailKevin Pietersen out waving slightly fatiguely Default ThumbnailDropping Kevin Pietersen from the England Test team

26 comments

  1. We spend so long wishing the rain would stay away, it’s very strange to be thankful for its imminent arrival. Come on, the rain.

  2. Are we not hoping that the rain stays away but that England nevertheless achieves the draw or even pulls off a win induced by the Aussies need to declare as they attempt to play catch up cricket?

    Personally, I find my scenario far more enticing than rain, although looking at the forecast I suspect that it is a vain hope.

  5. Clarke has every right to be furious with the decision making in this test, mostly that done by Michael Clarke. Drunk as we were on Friday evening, we all thought the follow-on was the only way for Australia to win, and therefore the declaration should have had only that in mind. 330 was always too low as a follow-on target. 70 more 1st innings runs would be very handy right now.

    And then, in the brief period of play after the first delay today, what on earth were they doing batting? Do they not have wifi at their hotel, have they not seen the forecast? At the time they were 300 in front. There wasn’t sufficient time forecast to get half those runs, so they already had more than enough.

    1. Forecasting weather in Manchester is worse than complete guesswork. It’ll probably be glorious sunshine.

  6. There are few things as satisfying as success courtesy of the elements. This will be almost as good as when England retained the number one test ranking because New Zealand v South Africa was washed out.

  7. Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
    You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
    Till you have drench’d our steeples, drown’d the cocks!
    You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
    Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
    Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
    Strike flat the thick rotundity o’ the world!
    Crack nature’s moulds, all germens spill at once
    That make ingrateful man!

    That Shane Watson, his bowling is shite.

    1. I’m casting Michael Clarke as Lear, Davey Warner as The Fool and poor, misunderstood Shame Watson as Cordelia.

      This will all end in tears, mark my words. A wet ending, anyhow, one way or another.

    2. Thanks Deep Cower.

      In the absence of King Cricket Top Trumps, the Shakespearean Insulter is guaranteed to while away the hours between each delivery.

      And in my case, I am starting to feel a little sorry for the Aussies today, which means that I am well deserving of some verbal self-flagellation, especially of the Shakespearean kind.

      I know, I know, I am a currish weather-bitten milk-livered knave.

    3. Graeme Swann to Shane Watson: Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

      That was the most straightforward one I could find.

  10. Ah, a fine performance by England here. Looking like a punch-drunk boxer who’s ahead on points and trying to cling on for the last five rounds. That guy always gets knocked out in the twelfth.

    If Clarke had had some balls yesterday and put England in yesterday they’d be in an even worse state.

  11. I think we Lancastrians can take the majority of the credit for this result, wouldn’t you agree KC? Bert Jr. has been on a sailing course at Sale Water Park all day today, and yet despite this I have still prayed for more and more rain. His discomfort and possible hypothermia are as nothing to a successful Ashes outcome for England, as I explained to him lovingly this morning. The sacrifices these young fans make for England really make one feel proud.

    1. We’ve all been making sacrifices, Bert. No need to harp on about yours and those of Bert Junior.

    2. I encourage everyone to go read Richard Dawkins’ po-faced tweets on the subject of retaining the Ashes via a rain affected draw.

    3. As a neutral guy who doesn’t have babies, I am going to asphyxiate Ged’s Hippity to prove my commitment.

    4. Come and say that to my face at Chester-le-Street, Deep Cower, if you’re feeling lucky.

    5. Don’t encourage him, Deep Cower.

      Daisy and I have enough trouble keeping Hippity under control as it is.

      Hippity is the Davey Warner of our household, he really is.

  13. Time to rest players in preparation for the more important return series, I think. This should be the team for the next game.

    Chopra, Root, Bell(c), Taylor, Ballance, Bairstow, Buttler(w/k), Woakes, Barker, Bresnan, Kerrigan

    1. Get Rankin in. While we’re at it, they should also pick Westwood, Evans, Ambrose, Clarke and Javid. And if someone can find an English grandmother for William Porterfield, we’ll be sorted.

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