Posted by 
If you write for a proper newspaper, reporting on county cricket is largely about identifying the English player who did best on the day and then saying that he’s going to get a national call-up before too long.
Yesterday, we read a comment from Jos Buttler’s coach at Somerset, Andy Hurry, who said of the 20-year-old:
“He knows his game inside out, knows where he wants to hit boundaries. His one day game is nailed on.”
Buttler then hit 94 off 56 balls against Nottinghamshire. That would be evidence enough for some to say that he must be ‘knocking on the door’.
Here at King Cricket, we work differently. We grab Jos Buttler by the shoulder and say: “Woah there. Hold your horses. Step away from the door. You’ve pushed in here, mate. Don’t you understand queuing.”
Having led him back to the waiting room, we sit him down and point out the following issues that need addressing.
- His first name
- His surname
The first name will be the easiest to solve. ‘Jos’ is short for ‘Joseph’, but that spelling is confusing. If it rhymes with ‘dose’ then he’ll have to work something out. ‘Jose’ implies ‘José’ but ‘Jos’ is unacceptable, so he’s got to act. The easiest solution would be to just accept the obvious and become ‘Joe’ – now there’s a name you can set your watch by.
His surname though. Why does everyone love adding consonants to normal names these days? Think about former England bowling coaches Allan Donald and Ottis Gibson. What’s with these people?
There’s also the matter of him scoring eight and 10 against Lancashire and having a first-class average of 28, but he can address that easily enough once he’s sorted out the important stuff.
The name Alan is quite commonly spelt with 2 l’s. As for Ottis Gibson, I don’t know what his excuse is.
No it’s not.
Oh yes it is!
Sorry Jayne, I’m not prepared to go down that road with you. All that sort of behaviour is behind me now.
Oh no it isn’t!
And, I have a four year old son. Sometimes you’re down that road before you know it.
Speaking as Professor of Etymology at some university or other, I would suggest that his name is a combination of BUTT (rear, backside, arse, rump) and LER (from the Greek, meaning “for a face”). And that’s true, that is.
Jos Arseface has a much more amiable ring to it.
The problem with this young man is not the unusual first name or extra-consanented surname. We’d welcome someone named Binky Psmith (or Gubby Allen), for example.
The real problem is that Jos and Buttler are not gentleman’s unusual names – indeed far from it.
Best we let the young fellow go back down the tin mine or wheresoever he might find humble but more fitting employment.
Ah, its good to see the KC site still active. Going by the media coverage, I had assumed your entire nation was fixated on a wedding.
Rarely have media coverage and real life been so far removed from one another.
We’re you invited, KC?
I wasn’t, but then a refusal often offends.
Don’t be fooled by the name. We’re not related.
I had seen him many time in county cricket. He is a fantastic cricketer and spearheading the team Somerset batting. I hope to see him in national team of England.