How are Tristan Stubbs and South Africa’s other ‘strapping boys’ getting on against the West Indies then?

3 minute read

This may have passed you by, but South Africa Test coach Shukri Conrad gave a slightly odd explanation for why Tristan Stubbs has become their new number three. It was one of those moments where you wonder whether you’re getting a weird insight into another culture’s values.

Speaking to Cricinfo, Conrad began by saying: “Technique is obviously a big factor because you’re going to be facing the new ball the bulk of the time.”

That seemed like only a preface for what followed though.

Conrad continued: “And he’s quite an imposing character, a big, strong, strapping boy – and I quite like that. I like the fact that at the top of the order, there are quite imposing guys; guys that have got a good aura about them and strong body language.”

We can’t know how all these different qualities are being weighed – and a lot of what Conrad said is quite abstract – but one thing’s clear: being “a big, strong, strapping boy” is definitely being presented as an attribute here.

Which is a bit weird, isn’t it? Simply being big doesn’t do a lot for you, otherwise all the fast bowlers would be opening the batting. Cricket has rarely been short of high quality batters who were not great hulking orcs. Starting at the very top of the list, Don Bradman was 1.73m.

Even in terms of perception, what looks more intimidating to a bowler anyway? A massive, great, lolloping ganglatron awkwardly waving what looks like a tiny toothpick at the ball, or Sachin Tendulkar wielding a slab of willow that looks half a mile wide relative to his 1.65m height? The latter looks far more difficult to get past. (There’s a story that Sachin used to remove all the red marks from the edges of his bat to create the illusion absolutely everything was middled – which surely made it look even wider still.)

Firdose Moonda hypothesises that Conrad’s view may have something to do with South Africa’s 1.62m captain, Temba Bavuma. She points out that Aiden Markram at the top of the order is 1.84m and while she only highlights Tony de Zorzi’s “bubbly character” (on his profile page he’s described as having “an eccentric personality,” which conjures images of tissue box slippers), it’s worth mentioning that he also played provincial rugby until he was picked for the Under-19 cricket team.

Speaking of size, we don’t know whether this plays a part in shaping his views, but Conrad himself is a fine figure of several men.

You get the sense he’s all too aware that the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so let’s see how all this henchness has influenced the productivity of South Africa’s top three during the ongoing series against the West Indies.

Markram has so far mustered 9, 38 and 14.

De Zorzi has scored 78, 45 and 1.

Stubbs has managed 20, 68 and 26.

We may as well throw Bavuma in there too as a non-strapping reference point. He’s made 86, 15* and 0.

We’d say the benefits of being physically imposing haven’t yet been obvious.

Of course it may just be that the West Indies’ 2.01m opening bowler, Jason Holder, hasn’t noticed how supposedly massive they all are.

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