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Have you ever seen 27 Dresses? Your most likely answer to that question will be, “I think I’ve seen some of it, but I can’t really remember it.”
27 Dresses is the kind of film they broadcast on ITV3 on a Sunday afternoon. You might have happened upon it halfway through, watched 20 minutes and then drawn your conclusions and flicked to something else.
It is a about a woman (Katherine Heigl) who has been a bridesmaid at 27 weddings. It is a rom-com. You can probably work out the rest using computer software.
Do you know who Raymond Poulidor is? Raymond Poulidor – who was somewhat unfortunately nicknamed Pou-Pou – was a French pro cyclist in the Sixties.
At the start of his career, Poulidor had the great misfortune to ride at the same time as Jacques Anquetil, who was maybe the third-greatest cyclist of all time. Towards the end of his career, he had the even-greater misfortune to ride at the same time as Eddy Merckx, who was basically Don Bradman if Don Bradman could bowl like Shane Warne and also like Malcolm Marshall.
As a consequence of these things, Ramond Poulidor attracted another nickname, which was “The Eternal Second”.
It’s worth noting that The Eternal Second won the Tour of Spain and also a bunch of one-day races. It’s similarly worth noting that 27 Dresses ends with Katherine Heigl’s character (SPOILER ALERT!) getting married. As such, neither has much in common with Somerset County Cricket Club.
If the County Championship were awarded after a four-year cycle, Somerset would be champions by some distance. If we could be bothered adding all the points up, we’d almost certainly find that the same holds true if it were awarded after a ten-year cycle.
But it doesn’t work like that. The way the County Championship works is that each year someone different wins and each year Somerset come second.
They’re currently second in the table and playing Essex, who are first. Essex won their first T20 Blast at the weekend and weather, a points advantage and the current match situation mean it’s likely they’ll secure the double. Then again, we can be fairly certain that Somerset produced a result pitch, so it might end up being a bit of a shoot-out.
Somerset need to win. Essex only need to draw. The scorecard is here.
It seems like this will be an ongoing topic of conversation throughout the week, so we’re going to pin this article to the top of the website so that we can keep all the discussion in one comments section.
I shall shortly be at the game. It’s looking slightly brighter now and I’ve just had a belter of a bacon sarnie at Bristol Temple Meads. Brown bread, thick rashers (5) and ketchup. Will try and keep you updated during the day.
There was a butty wagon on the way to Anglesey that used to give you four thick cut rashers of back bacon and two eggs on a bacon and egg sarnie. Five rashers is incredible (unless it was streaky, in which case, meh).
To be honest, I haven’t been keeping up with this story, although I know it concerns something important for the country. So, does this mean we now have The Ashes? They said something about the captain’s advice to the umpire being illegal, which makes it null and void. So it seems like it must mean that. What else could it be?
Pints of Tribute are £4.80 including the refundable eco cup deposit. Most reasonable, I’d say, vs the £6.50 ratpiss Fosters equivalent at Old Trafford, although only one bar is currently open… the marquee has apparently been dismantled due to rain. No, I don’t get why either.
It’s lunch so I’m off to buy a maroon rounders hat.
This is good and valued information.
Considering traveling to Taunton on Thursday to capture some poor quality mobile phone footage of champagne and/or tears and/or rain.
The ball has gone into the river Tone. It went straight past us, bounced on the concrete, went perfectly through the railings and rolled into the water through a bank of weeds.
Tractor, the ‘bellicose’ Somerset fan, is warming up nicely after a few ciders in the Stragglers bar, and is expected to become even more vocal when his hero Jack Leach comes on to bowl.
It’s cloudy and officially ‘spitting’. The mood among Somerset fans has been upgraded from dejection to qualified optimism.
There are craneflies everywhere. Pics to follow.
“It went straight past us”. “Us”?
Have you assumed monarchical plural privileges or are you, Mike, in a party with others?
We need to know. If you are claiming the former, I have a feeling that the King Cricket Supreme Court might deem your proroguing of the monarchical plural null and void.
11-0. Shove it up yer arse. The United Kingdom has the best constitutional crises in the whole world. I can’t spake.
Why does it say “sticky”? Next to the number of appeals, at the bottom of the article. Not on this page, only on the main page. What is sticky?
It means this post has been ‘pinned’ or ‘stuck’ to the top of the website, and subsequent posts will appear underneath it.
Either that, or it’s covered in marmalade.
Since you have provided insufficient details, I take it upon myself to complete your “rom-com”. I am somewhat of an expert in this area if I do say so myself.
On the 27th wedding, the lady is even more hopeful she will meet her Prince Charming. And lo and behold, one of the guests is this dashing French man who introduces himself as Pierre Unpronounceable (but with a French accent). Lady swoons, French guy takes her to his place and makes her a god-awful omelette which she says is divine. He beds her. And suddenly, the big reveal:
PIERRE IS A VAMPIRE WHO CAN ONLY TURN HUMAN WHEN HE HAS EATEN THE FLESH OF 37 FEMALES.
When the police come the next morning, lady’s body is so mutilated that they don’t find enough samples for testing whatever it is they test. They rule the death as due to “person or persons unknown”.
Close enough?
That’s not 27 Dresses, that’s 37 Addresses (At Which a Male Vampire Eats a Lady Friend).
Classic game, just look at those bowling figures.
That’s brilliant. Fifty over match too!
Essex XI to face Somerset
Soggee
Dampf
De La Pluie (c)
Regen
Catsun-Doggs
Dipstik (wk)
Pioggia
Sokes
De Luge
Wetter
Bucket
Flippin’ rain. At least the Cidermen can imagine they might have pulled it off but for the elements. With England sniffing around Banton, Gregory, Bess, Leach and the Overtons, might this have been their best chance?
Banton finally overshadowing the achievements of cousin Pato
Here’s my Ogblog style match report on my three days in manchester last week, not least for Lancashire v Middlesex:
http://ianlouisharris.com/2019/09/18/three-days-in-manchester-for-cricket-and-tennis-16-to-18-september-2019/
Parenthetically, on the Tuesday evening I wandered south to a pub named the Chorlton Tap, which had a vast selection of real ales (not that I can drink such things these days) and strangely seemed to be well-populated with people who know and talk good cricket. Do any of the King Cricket locals and/or occasional visitors to Manchester know that pub?
To Taunton, then, for the final day of the season. Sunny spells forecast until 3pm, then showers. More than enough time to take 20 wickets.
Hello from Ciderabad.
It looked like it might be happening.
It’s not happening.
Not sure Somerset v Essex has justified its stickiness on this site.
More sogginess than stickyness really.
Well now Essex, you can shove yer county championship up yer arse.
Laaaandon’s miles better anyway.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nIwDAzXEzEM
Hilariously sophisticated stuff, APW. Thanks for sharing.
In the interests of balance, I gave it the same “just a minute” that I gave Sam’s broadcast.
When I am so short of things to do with my time that watching the remaining 59 minutes of that debate gets to the top of my agenda, I assure you I shall watch the remainder.
But does a mere hour provide enough time to burrow into every nuance of that discourse?
It occurs to me that Charley the Gent Malloy and I could go for a two hour version next season, between the start of play and lunch at a County Championship match at Chelmsford. Perhaps Sam will turn up with an ITV crew to film the discussion.
Hello here is some cricket on the telly https://twitter.com/samblackledge/status/1177313191099060227?s=21
So basically, Sam, you earned your crust today by going and watching a day of county cricket and then working for less than 75 seconds.
Tough job I suppose, but someone has to do it.
Does ITV need a Lord’s correspondent for next season? Just asking.
I’ll put a word in.