England win or lose to New Zealand

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< 1 minute read

This is how you write a match report: a week early.

England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner.

James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of juicy half-volleys.

England’s top order once again failed woefully/scored far too slowly.

Brendon McCullum hit five sixes before holing out/two sixes before holing out/a six before holing out.

Dimitri Mascarenhas hit four sixes/Jacob Oram with a brutish lifter/the dressing room wall in frustration/Ian Bell in frustration.

Paul Collingwood said after the match: “We’re a developing side and I’m confident we’re still moving forward. Some players are still settling into their roles and when that happens I’m sure we’ll be a difficult team to beat.”

Weird that there’s no options for that last one.

OH NO!

Roelof van der Merwe just heard you haven't yet signed up for the King Cricket email...

...so he's on his way to see you!

2 comments

  1. Dimitri Mascarenhas hit four sixes/Jacob Oram with a brutish lifter/the dressing room wall in frustration/Ian Bell in frustration/Ian Bell for a laugh, well you would too wouldn’t you? Go on admit it, I bet you would.

    Surprisingly inaccurate in the end KC… good effort though.

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