Posted by The attitude of England’s top order batters appears to be that if you aren’t Pat Cummins, you’re going to the fence. It’ll be interesting to see the impact of this as the series wears on.
Australia’s most accurate bowler, Scott Boland, conceded 147 runs in 26 overs in the first Ashes Test. He was dropped for Mitchell Starc for the second. Starc finished day two with 1-75 off 12 overs.
Starc wasn’t the only one to go for a few though. Josh Hazlewood had at this point conceded 5.73 an over and Cameron Green 6.14.
Cummins and Nathan Lyon were both far more economical. Whether that was purely a product of their bowling, we’re not sure. Whatever the reason, the upshot was Australia’s captain had two ‘safe’ bowlers at his disposal and one of them was himself.
We have always had a deep-seated aversion to ‘doing stuff’. This extends beyond the actual doing of stuff to the mere idea of having to do stuff. Pat Cummins situation right now seems like an absolute nightmare to us.
It surely can’t be great when the only reprieve from on-field captaincy stress involves doing a load of fast bowling. It’s not like Cummins hasn’t been called upon to do crucial batting this summer as well.
Late on day two, things got worse. Playing in his 100th consecutive Test match, Lyon knacked a leg while fielding and was carried off (alas not single-handedly by Jonny Bairstow – you have to be a protestor to be treated to that).
So now Cummins may feel he only really has one escape route should he find England’s run-rate unnerving – himself. This is less than ideal in this match even before you factor in the fact that the third Test starts four days after this one is due to finish.
We have no idea whether this is a deliberate ploy from England or if it’s something that will continue throughout the series. Even if it does, there os one thing in Cummins’ favour: even when England make 500 they don’t actually tend to bat very long.
All the same, we feel kind of tired even thinking about it.
Vegan.
There’s no way Bairstow could’ve lifted a properly-fed human. Perhaps these so-called “protesters” with their concern for the so-called “planet” might want to think about that in their next so-called “recruiting drive”. Imagine if it had been Rob Key, for example. He could have carried on orangifying the pitch with Bairstow, Root and Broad all clinging on to a leg each. Just Stop Dieting, that’s what I say.
Just Stop (subsisting solely on b)Oil(ed vegetables of you want to properly orangify cricket pitches).
You know things are bad when the TMS commentators start reading out limericks sent in by the listeners.
When does the World Cup start?
When do they read out the Ben Duckett one?
There once was a batsman called Duckett
Who battered all bowlers who chuck it
But to get him out
You need not do owt
But bounce him and then let him [fail to duck under the delivery despite his name]
(Last line there should be ‘But bounce him and up let him [redacted] it’, probably)
‘Up let him [redacted] it’ is a fabulous construction even in isolation.
“He’s not doing it right! He’s not doing it right! We have to tell him!”
“Oh, up let him [redacted] it.”
Awkward scenes, reminiscent of the best (worst?) sketches from I Think You Should Leave (the ball a bit more outside off or when banged in short).
It was enjoyable to see the orange protesters mostly stopped by the orangest players in the England XI though. The spectators didn’t like it though – clearly too orangey for crowds.
So much hand-wringing and negativity from the ‘pundits’. Sometimes England lose cricket matches. It’s annoying, but it’s not the end of the world. Nobody died and nobody mugged anyone’s granny. There will, inevitably, be another series along soon.