< 1 minute read After being clean bowled for a golden duck and then seeing his first ball carted for four, Graham Onions didn’t immediately knock Test cricket sideways with his brilliance. A bit later, after three wickets in an over and 5-38, things looked a bit better. But… Have England found a great
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Ravi Bopara celebrates
< 1 minute read It’s nice to have a batsman who celebrates his hundreds through the lost art of mime. In Barbados he did a funny bow and arrow thing upon reaching three figures. Yesterday, he outlined the Lord’s honours board and scribbled his name on it. Ravi Bopara could have played flawlessly for
Continue readingAdvice for Fidel Edwards
< 1 minute read Maybe just bowl at the stumps, eh? Surely by now you’ve realised that your team mates have tiny, rigid, Lego man hands with unbending fingers that can’t catch cricket balls. Give it up. They’re only going to let you down. Fidel Edwards took 4-53 today and could quite realistically have
Continue readingChris Gayle hits a six we wouldn’t believe if we hadn’t just seen it
< 1 minute read Chris Gayle developed a taste for clearing the ropes in his 43 ball 80, but one six in particular was more ludicrous than the other seven. England were so dead, rigor mortis had set in and it’s easier to play freely in that situation, but this shot was stupendous. James
Continue readingWest Indies’ one-day kit
< 1 minute read “Let’s make the shirt maroon and then match that with scarlet trousers and hats, because maroon and scarlet are complementary colours. “Let’s put some yellow bits here, there and everywhere and then let’s make the collar, ooh, let’s say bright green. “Finally, as the piece de resistance, let’s put a
Continue readingThird umpire referrals
2 minute read What is the third umpire referral system? Third umpire referrals are a system whereby players from either side can demand a review of the on-field umpire’s decision by the TV umpire. If a batsman’s given out lbw, he can refer it to the third umpire, who then watches the footage
Continue readingDenesh Ramdin’s massive cricket bat
< 1 minute read Can someone get hold of Denesh Ramdin’s bat and measure how wide it is? It can’t possibly be legal. As everyone got nervier and nervier and it became harder and harder for batsmen to hit the ball, Ramdin just kept middling it with his textbook defensive strokes. Whatever was bowled,
Continue readingHow England can win this Test match
< 1 minute read It’s been a strange sort of series where England’s first innings in each Test has largely been irrelevant. Having won the first Test, West Indies seem to have set themselves to bat past England – however monumental the score – and then see what happens. They’ve almost waited for the
Continue readingFidel Edwards’ bouncer
2 minute read It’s the last over of a long day. The West Indies are bowling. Must be time for Fidel Edwards to bounce the shit out of someone. This isn’t the first time Edwards has done this during this series, but it was perhaps the best example. Edwards rarely lacks for effort,
Continue readingOur numbers are bigger than your numbers, so your numbers can kiss our numbers’ arses
< 1 minute read Who was the winner here? Not England. Not West Indies. Not cricket. Not the crowd. After many calculations, we’ve deduced that the winner was, rather unexpectedly, Michael Flatley. Nobody wants that. This match was like watching a dot matrix printer run off sheets and sheets of binary code. Something was
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