< 1 minute readPakistan captain, Shoaib Malik, is fed up with waddly, disinterested purveyor of two-over spells, Shoaib Akhtar. “Everyone can see what is out there,” he said about everyone’s favourite one-time fast bowler. Rumour has it that Malik has asked the selectors to replace Akhtar with a patch of slightly longer grass
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Andrew Strauss wants cricketers who use their brains for something other than preventing their skulls from caving in
2 minute readWe’re not in the habit of paying much heed to public pronouncements from cricketers. You can say what you like. It’s not the same as actually doing something. We could say that we beat Thor at chess yesterday, but it’s transparently a lie. We would never play chess. However, we
Continue readingButt cracks balls and more
< 1 minute readWe dread to think what search engine traffic we’re going to get from that title, but you can’t sashay through life being called ‘Butt’ without some sort of consequences. It’ll teach some visitors the importance of the humble comma at any rate. Prior to the first one-day international against Sri
Continue readingHaydos: gone but not forgotten
< 1 minute readIn many ways, Matthew ‘Haydos’ Hayden is irreplaceable. Not his batting, obviously, Aussie opening batsmen are ten-a-penny. We’re thinking more about his way with words and the way he never lets the faintest whiff of self awareness enter his consciousness. What was your career highlight, Haydos? “Singing the team song
Continue readingShaun Marsh wants to play straighter
< 1 minute readShaun Marsh said he wanted to play straighter after making 79 in Australia’s win over South Africa. How much straighter does he want to play? Now granted, we slept through a good deal of his innings, but from what we did see Marsh’s batting was straighter than Chuck Norris doing
Continue readingMurali’s batting
< 1 minute readMurali’s always had a certain approach to batting. Have a ruddy great swing at the ball Miss Have an even bigger swing at the next one Usually this method fails for reasons that are fairly clear even to Murali. Occasionally it doesn’t and he hits 33 off 16 balls to
Continue readingMonty Panesar’s bowling speed
< 1 minute readPeople say that Monty Panesar bowls too fast and that he doesn’t adapt. People say that he’s a mindless idiot who hasn’t got the potential to develop his game. He’s not moved on as most England supporters would have liked, but people have been going a bit overboard. There’s nothing
Continue readingShakib Al Hasan twangs another bow string
< 1 minute readHow many strings does Shakib Al Hasan’s bow have? Predictably and disappointingly, he has two strings to his bow: batting and bowling. This is not an especially large number of strings, but it’s two more than we have. We haven’t even got a bow – or if we have, we
Continue readingMatthew Hayden’s gone
2 minute read“Matthew Hayden’s gone” was our favourite piece of commentary as well as being our way of announcing his retirement. We’re usually quite generous with our retirement posts. Not today. Matthew Hayden was a batsman in the right place at the right time. He was also an arrogant turd. Essentially though,
Continue readingWhat did David Warner do to his room in Brisbane?
< 1 minute readIf you don’t know David Warner, he made his debut for Australia this week and hefted six sixes in hitting the second-fastest Twenty20 international fifty. He ended up with 89 off 43 balls. After the game, a reporter asked him if he felt pigeon-holed as a Twenty20 player? “In a
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