2 minute readIt is the final match of the season. We have to win and I have been entrusted with the pivotal number 11 slot. As the last batsman, all will hinge on my performance. Our opponents bat first and I am permitted to field from the dressing room, where I can
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Surrey v Northamptonshire match report
2 minute readMarmazet writes: When I arrived at Oval tube station, I had a sudden and horrible realisation that I had forgotten to buy my lunch at the local shop. Eating a BLT and crisps is the main reason for going to the cricket really, cos my mum would probably make some
Continue readingComing soon on King Cricket
< 1 minute readLaurence Elderbrook has one more match left this season. We were quite pleased when his reports were met with initial apathy, because the man’s a bell-end and we wanted to get rid of him. Unfortunately, some of you seem to have warmed to him, so we’re having to find a
Continue readingLaurence shows his mental strength
2 minute readI am due to bat at number 10. How can I impose my will on the game from there? What is the point? When the time comes for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage, I am fast asleep. Roused by a team mate, I lash out with an arm to
Continue readingCar Colston v Thurgaton match report
< 1 minute readJo Fitz writes: Here’s the match report as seen from the perspective of an umpire. Car Colston is a village just east of Nottingham that centres on its cricket pitch. Pavilion on one side, pub on the other. The pitch has the “Big House” end and the “cow” end. A
Continue readingLaurence embraces the lower order
< 1 minute readFor some reason I am being asked to bat at nine. I don’t know why. I sit and watch our innings with the haunted air of the disenchanted. After what seems like weeks, it is my turn to bat. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage.
Continue readingSouth Africa v England Lions match report
< 1 minute readLemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I went to see South Africa against the England Lions at Grace Road. Upon arriving at the ground, we spent twenty minutes trying to find a cup of coffee. Eventually we had to ask someone else who had a cup. In retrospect, we should
Continue readingLaurence embraces the modern way
2 minute readModern sides bat right down to number eight and as no-one else is up to the task, I step up. It’s deep into our innings before I am called upon. The bowlers will be flagging by now. I will take advantage. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take
Continue readingBotham flouts health and safety regulations
< 1 minute readIs that suitable footwear? No. Should he be removing his hard hat? No. Also, it’s generally accepted that a high-visibility tabard be worn over the top of ordinary clothing so that you can easily be seen. Botham is wearing high-visibility clothing, but has concealed its garish, eye-catching qualities beneath a
Continue readingEngland v South Africa at the Oval – a match report
2 minute readBefore you read this, we’d just like to make one thing abundantly clear about the sickening content that follows. King Cricket in no way encourages you to contact, meet or socialise with other readers of the site as it flies in the face of our whole philosophy. In fact, it’s
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