< 1 minute read So Phil Mustard’s dropping the balls into the bowling machine and Kevin Pietersen’s driving the ball. Pietersen gets hold of one and Mustard takes it in the face. Anyone who’s so much as held a cricket ball in their hand will be wincing ever-so-slightly at that. Mustard’s had to go
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Andrew Strauss is going to GET THE JOB DONE
< 1 minute read Ceci believes that Andrew Strauss will “bring an air of orderly tweediness” to the England team. We’re of the belief that smoking a pipe is the most distinguished, gentlemanly act there is and Ceci has provided us with this just that Strauss-based reassurance: Look at that pipe. It says: ‘Enough
Continue readingAnother post about Andrew Strauss
< 1 minute read It’d be better for everyone if Andrew Strauss got dropped again. We wouldn’t have to write about him and you wouldn’t have to read about him. Strauss retired out with 104 in the second innings of the warm-up match against a New Zealand Selection XI. Frankly, he shouldn’t have been
Continue readingStrauss being conspicuously indifferent to Strauss’s selection ahead of Owais Shah for England’s final warm-up match before the first Test against New Zealand
< 1 minute read A catchy title, we think you’ll all agree. It’s been a while since we received a picture of an animal being conspicuously indifferent to cricket – TOO LONG, in fact. There are a whole host of animals who have not yet expressed their indifference to this great game. We’ve never
Continue readingAndrew Strauss is a favourite, Owais Shah less so
< 1 minute read We don’t want to get anti-Andrew Strauss because we quite like him, but his selection in England’s team for their final warm-up worries us. Either it’s his last opportunity to earn a place in the Test team or favouritism’s crept in. Strauss was dropped because of poor form and hasn’t
Continue readingAndrew Strauss fighting England’s selectors
2 minute read Andrew Strauss has a central contract with England so the selectors want him to play. Unfortunately however, Andrew Strauss is doing his utmost to put his reselection in doubt. Strauss was dropped for the tour of Sri Lanka after getting out for 27 in every single one of his previous
Continue readingBrendon McCullum finds his feet
2 minute read You’d think that by the age of 26, he’d know to look at the end of his legs, but no. Up until now Brendon McCullum’s been incorrectly forcing his footwear onto all sorts of incorrect body parts. He’s been a disaster zone of misapplied shoddery. McCullum’s been finding his feet
Continue readingAndrew Flintoff suffering from the wild shits
< 1 minute read Stop the press! Our policy of bringing you news from the past can wait when there’s actual, real, brand-new news of this calibre: Andrew Flintoff can’t turn out for the England Lions because he’s got ‘a stomach bug’. Always bringing you the stories within the stories, we at King Cricket
Continue readingPaul Collingwood hits England’s fastest fifty
< 1 minute read Paul Collingwood, a man of incomparable aceness right now – in fact a man so ace he’s forcing full-grown men to write like 11-year-olds – hit England’s fastest ever fifty at some point in the recent past. Hitting England’s fastest ever fifty is a bit like being Australia’s most debonair
Continue readingPaul Collingwood – all-rounder (in one-day cricket)
2 minute read An excellent all-round performance from Paul Collingwood: 3-43 with the ball and 70 not out off 50 balls. If it were Andrew Flintoff with those figures, everyone’d be giggling, dribbling and getting all rambunctious. They’d be saying ‘bring on the Aussies’ like morons due to the lack of blood supply
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