< 1 minute read“I don’t think it’s going to go away, the technology. I really don’t.” Now we’re a massive, massive fan of primitive flint tools. We’d welcome a return to their chiselled, sedimentary perfection more willingly than anyone. But we’re still inclined to agree with Sir Ian on this one. The technology
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Jerk chicken during England’s tour of the West Indies
< 1 minute readWe just popped into our local Co-op. Two of the staff were looking at a new takeaway menu. One said: “It sounds nice, that chicken and chips.” We’ve got that menu. It waxes lyrical. It says: ‘One portion of chicken and chips.’ Mmm. That does sound nice. If we can
Continue readingHate Ian Bell?
< 1 minute readA lot of people hate Ian Bell – England supporters mostly. Given a choice between his playing crap and getting dropped or his playing well and averaging 55, a lot of people would choose the first option. We’d choose the second. For all his flaws, 26 year-olds who can average
Continue readingEngland beat Pakistan at the Oval
< 1 minute readNearly three years on and still they’re arguing about whether England ‘won’ via a Pakistan forfeiture or whether it was ‘match abandoned’. At best it’s splitting hairs. Everyone knows what it was: a balls-up. The match should be officially reclassified as such. Sport is of the moment. Except for a
Continue readingIPL window for England players
2 minute readA group of guys who aren’t you have got an opportunity to earn a lot of money. The situation is that any England players who might actually be wanted by an IPL franchise will play Twenty20 in India for three weeks and then their next match after that will be
Continue readingTests at neutral venues
< 1 minute readZapp Brannigan says: “What makes a good man go neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?” Neutrality sickens us, just as it sickens him. Picturing a neutral crowd at a neutral Test venue sends us into a blind fury at all
Continue readingAndrew Strauss wants cricketers who use their brains for something other than preventing their skulls from caving in
2 minute readWe’re not in the habit of paying much heed to public pronouncements from cricketers. You can say what you like. It’s not the same as actually doing something. We could say that we beat Thor at chess yesterday, but it’s transparently a lie. We would never play chess. However, we
Continue readingMonty Panesar’s bowling speed
< 1 minute readPeople say that Monty Panesar bowls too fast and that he doesn’t adapt. People say that he’s a mindless idiot who hasn’t got the potential to develop his game. He’s not moved on as most England supporters would have liked, but people have been going a bit overboard. There’s nothing
Continue readingWas Kevin Pietersen wrong?
2 minute readIt may surprise you to learn that Kevin Pietersen is not actually evil. He may even want England to win some matches. People can at times forget that real life isn’t actually a drama scripted by halfwits. The characters involved aren’t ‘good’ or ‘evil’. Kevin Pietersen polarises people, or at
Continue readingEvery person involved with England cricket is an eight-year-old child
< 1 minute readTurncoat players; fringe squad members ‘leaking’ information; nameless ECB officials also leaking information and accusing players of having oversized egos; not to mention a media solely interested in column inches, badgering anyone and everyone for more information. Fucking stop it. Belt up. Who cares who says and thinks what about
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