< 1 minute readAn Englishman, an Irishman and a South African walk into a pub. “Aren’t you an England Twenty20 middle-order that inspires a surprising amount of confidence in supporters?” asks the barman. “No,” says the Englishman. “We’re three entirely different people who just happen to be of the same nationalities as the
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England v maths
< 1 minute readMaths wins. You should never try and compete against maths. It’s unconquerable. Despite putting in one of their finest batting performances in either of the short formats, England were comprehensively beaten by maths. Maths unleashed its biggest and most destructive weaponry, the Duckworth-Lewis calculations, which cruelly shuffled figures about until
Continue readingChris Gayle knows where England go wrong
< 1 minute readChris Gayle knows why England rarely perform well at these tournaments: “I’m sure they come out here with blood in their eyes.” That can’t help. Even if it doesn’t affect their vision too much, it’s got to be a bit unsettling.
Continue readingThe odds on England winning the World Twenty20
< 1 minute readWell, they’re not great, but that’s largely due to the fact that there are a whole bunch of teams in the tournament rather than because of any massive shortcomings on England’s part. If there were only one team in the tournament, England’s chances would be far better. If there were
Continue readingMonty Panesar plays lower standard of cricket to improve confidence
< 1 minute readSurely this won’t help. If Panesar’s in the slips then this is beneath back garden standard.
Continue readingAndy Caddick’s Test career – awkward bounce from an awkward bowling action from an awkward bloke
2 minute readWe never wrote about Andy Caddick when he retired. We should have done. Say what you like about Andy Caddick. Say that he was mad as pies; say that he got picked for England because people wanted him there to fix stuff while they were on tour; say he was
Continue readingRavi Bopara, Essex: first-class batsman to watch in 2010
< 1 minute readThe plight of Ravi Bopara makes an interesting case study. He’s trying to establish himself as a Test cricketer and only Test runs will really persuade anyone that he’s ready. He gets a series of ducks in Tests in Sri Lanka and gets dropped. He promptly makes a one-day double
Continue readingAdil Rashid, Yorkshire: first-class bowler to watch in 2010
< 1 minute readThe general feeling about Adil Rashid is that maybe everyone should just let him play a bit of cricket. England helped his development no end last season by keeping him out of the majority of Yorkshire’s matches so that he could not play for them instead. Occasionally they let him
Continue readingArtballing – we love the use of the word “accurately”
< 1 minute readRemember Michael Vaughan’s paint thing? He was commissioned to produce a painting of the Chevrolet Cruze. “The painting took eight hours to create with Vaughan calling on his cricketing expertise to accurately recreate the bodywork, tyres and alloys on canvas using five different coloured cricket balls and over 20 litres
Continue readingBangladesh v England – no protagonist, no narrative, no cephalopods
< 1 minute readGood films come in two forms: The writers are smarter than you and have constructed an ingenious plot where the story slowly unfolds, keeping you rapt The writers are far stupider than you and haven’t a clue about plot structure, so just to keep things moving, every now and again
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