< 1 minute read Not Michael Vaughan style painting. DIY style painting. We all know how rubbish cricketers are when it comes to DIY. Andrew Strauss probably gets a man in to load the next toilet roll. He doesn’t even know which way he’s supposed to face. At least he’s pointing the brush the
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Ashley Giles has a go at DIY
< 1 minute read First Ravi Bopara and Charlotte Edwards, now Ashley Giles. Is the King of Spain any better at DIY than those two charlatans? No. You don’t need to know much about plastering to know that Giles isn’t up to the task. Look at his pristine sportswear. What do plasterers look like?
Continue readingEngland win something!
< 1 minute read Shit! What are you supposed to do? This is unprecedented. Don’t know about you, but we celebrated by having quite a bad hangover and having to have an early night. Yay! Even more strangely, England were the best team in the tournament. The best team doesn’t necessarily win a Twenty20
Continue readingHow do you feel about the World Twenty20 final?
< 1 minute read Walking through south Manchester last night, we felt very aware of the fact that this World Twenty20 final isn’t particularly registering with the nation. There are England flags on cars and houses, but they’re for the other England World Cup bid. It’s understandable really. This is the more frequent of
Continue readingThe England cricket team has almost run out of chances
< 1 minute read It’s a scary thought, but England have only got one more chance to resume normal service. They’re in the final of the World Twenty20, so it’s all-or-nothing. Seasoned England watchers know their side has the ability to take this opportunity to get back to normal underperformance, but set against that
Continue readingTim Bresnan could be the yeoman
< 1 minute read England haven’t had a bowler who commentators can patronisingly refer to as a ‘yeoman’ since Matthew Hoggard got the boot. Tim Bresnan’s from Yorkshire and bowls a bit of swing. Maybe he can step in and be a doughty northern caricature so that the English cricket establishment can reinforce their
Continue readingEnglish cricket momentum – no-one knows where they’re heading
< 1 minute read England’s win over South Africa is proof of the EXTRAORDINARY MOMENTUM that they have gained by losing a game, having one rained off and then winning two. England are pretty much unstoppable now. That’s not to say that they’ll be tearing along down the right path, necessarily. Momentum’s great, but
Continue readingEngland’s Twenty20 batting line-up
< 1 minute read An Englishman, an Irishman and a South African walk into a pub. “Aren’t you an England Twenty20 middle-order that inspires a surprising amount of confidence in supporters?” asks the barman. “No,” says the Englishman. “We’re three entirely different people who just happen to be of the same nationalities as the
Continue readingEngland v maths
< 1 minute read Maths wins. You should never try and compete against maths. It’s unconquerable. Despite putting in one of their finest batting performances in either of the short formats, England were comprehensively beaten by maths. Maths unleashed its biggest and most destructive weaponry, the Duckworth-Lewis calculations, which cruelly shuffled figures about until
Continue readingChris Gayle knows where England go wrong
< 1 minute read Chris Gayle knows why England rarely perform well at these tournaments: “I’m sure they come out here with blood in their eyes.” That can’t help. Even if it doesn’t affect their vision too much, it’s got to be a bit unsettling.
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