< 1 minute readEngland have thrived since changes to one-day internationals led to lower totals. There – that’s our slightly premature England v South Africa series review done and dusted. Now let’s move onto an odd fact: Wednesday’s match will be the final 50-over international of the year involving any nation. Okay, so
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England’s next opening batsman
< 1 minute readWe’d go for Nick Compton. He was born in Durban, so it would help Malcolm Conn be hilarious. Conn’s definitely a man abiding by our ‘repeat until funny’ rule when making jokes about England cricketers born in South Africa. He’s not got there yet. Another reason to go for Compton
Continue readingFeline reaction to Andrew Strauss’s retirement from cricket
< 1 minute readIn the highly unlikely event that we’ve picked up a new reader in the last year, we should say that we have a feature on this website entitled animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket. Lemon Bella’s cats, StraussCat and Meowcus Trescattick, have appeared on several occasions and we’re honoured to
Continue readingReporting on Strauss and Pietersen
2 minute readIt’s interesting that so many people took yesterday’s post at face value. We’ll come clean: it is not our actual stance on the Pietersen issue. There are bits of it we might agree with to some extent, but for the most part it’s an extreme position we adopted in order
Continue readingAndrew Strauss’s captaincy style
2 minute readAndrew Strauss retires from cricket. If Nasser Hussain was ‘do as I say’ and Michael Vaughan was ‘relax and play how you want’ then Strauss was ‘for Christ’s sake, don’t do anything silly’. He was a bit establishment for our tastes and his interviews were even more bland and predictable
Continue readingStrauss skives with Pietersen still in limbo
< 1 minute readJohannesburg-born Andrew Strauss is to keep England’s star player in limbo a little while longer after controversially extending his family holiday rather than returning for much-needed clear-the-air talks. Kevin Pietersen was man of the match in the last Test he played and is keen to help secure victories for his
Continue readingStrauss and Pietersen enter relationship counselling
3 minute readA bland, featureless room. Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss sit side-by-side facing a desk, behind which sits a relationship counsellor. Counsellor: So, what brings you here? Strauss: We’re having some issues with our relationship. Counsellor: Have you been together long? Strauss: A few years. Counsellor: Okay, well, the strain can
Continue readingIs Steven Finn a better bowler than Tim Bresnan?
2 minute readMost of you will answer ‘yes’. Finn’s performance in the third Test is fresh in the mind and it’s hard to argue that his best isn’t a notch above Bresnan’s best, but that’s not the whole story. We’re pretty good at squash, but that doesn’t mean we don’t accidentally twat
Continue readingCricket’s schadenfreude production line
2 minute readCongratulations, South Africa. Prepare for people to delight in your fall. In recent years, the Test rankings have been a kind of schadenfreude production line. One nation gets to the top and promptly celebrates and then everyone else celebrates even more heartily when the team in question drops down again.
Continue readingJonny Bairstow isn’t bothered
< 1 minute readYou wonder whether it’s worth England batting Jonny Bairstow at the top of the order. It’s not that he’s particularly suited to the role, but if the opposition remain hell-bent on bouncing the shit out of him, it might soften the ball a bit for all the batsmen who follow.
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