2 minute read Andrew Strauss retires from cricket. If Nasser Hussain was ‘do as I say’ and Michael Vaughan was ‘relax and play how you want’ then Strauss was ‘for Christ’s sake, don’t do anything silly’. He was a bit establishment for our tastes and his interviews were even more bland and predictable
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Strauss skives with Pietersen still in limbo
< 1 minute read Johannesburg-born Andrew Strauss is to keep England’s star player in limbo a little while longer after controversially extending his family holiday rather than returning for much-needed clear-the-air talks. Kevin Pietersen was man of the match in the last Test he played and is keen to help secure victories for his
Continue readingStrauss and Pietersen enter relationship counselling
3 minute read A bland, featureless room. Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss sit side-by-side facing a desk, behind which sits a relationship counsellor. Counsellor: So, what brings you here? Strauss: We’re having some issues with our relationship. Counsellor: Have you been together long? Strauss: A few years. Counsellor: Okay, well, the strain can
Continue readingIs Steven Finn a better bowler than Tim Bresnan?
2 minute read Most of you will answer ‘yes’. Finn’s performance in the third Test is fresh in the mind and it’s hard to argue that his best isn’t a notch above Bresnan’s best, but that’s not the whole story. We’re pretty good at squash, but that doesn’t mean we don’t accidentally twat
Continue readingCricket’s schadenfreude production line
2 minute read Congratulations, South Africa. Prepare for people to delight in your fall. In recent years, the Test rankings have been a kind of schadenfreude production line. One nation gets to the top and promptly celebrates and then everyone else celebrates even more heartily when the team in question drops down again.
Continue readingJonny Bairstow isn’t bothered
< 1 minute read You wonder whether it’s worth England batting Jonny Bairstow at the top of the order. It’s not that he’s particularly suited to the role, but if the opposition remain hell-bent on bouncing the shit out of him, it might soften the ball a bit for all the batsmen who follow.
Continue readingStuart Broad fails to trouble the speed gun
1 minute read Yesterday, we said that England needed to take wickets quickly. They did. How did they achieve this? Well, actually, we’re not sure they had all that much to do with it. It was almost like South Africa had exhausted their collective mental reserves; like much of the side’s patience and
Continue readingEngland need an impatient bowling philosophy
< 1 minute read Not sure you’re aware of this, but spectacular, freewheeling batting performances don’t win Test matches. They provide a team with runs to work with without too much time being lost, but it’s only once the opposition are padded up that the real work starts. You don’t win a Test by
Continue readingEngland’s next batsmen
2 minute read The most interesting thing about all this tiresome bollocks with Kevin Pietersen is that we get a little peek into England’s future. James Taylor made a solid and unspectacular start to his Test career in the first Test and now Jonny Bairstow will return to play a few eye-level cricket
Continue readingThe fake Kevin Pietersen account was being written by one of Stuart Broad’s mates
< 1 minute read Graeme Swann knows him too, apparently. If you want to know our feelings, we’re sticking with what we wrote the other day. Everyone talking about this seems to be taking sides now. It’s become one of those ‘us v them’ situations, which is good, because that sort of thing is
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