2 minute readSweet fucking Christ, does everyone in the world of cricket suffer from all three major forms of retardation? This is quite literally the worst idea of all time. Back-to-back Ashes series. Ten England v Australia Tests in a row. Does no-one who has control over anything have even the most
Continue readingCategory: Australia
Do you want to buy Nathan Hauritz a pint?
2 minute readWe do. The poor bastard. It’s bad enough going through life feeling like everything’s out to get you without repeatedly being confronted with evidence that it is. Hauritz must have offended the Moirae at some point. Maybe, with that face, they’ve mistaken him for a child and feel that he’s
Continue readingWhen Shane Watson hit 161 not out in a one-day match against England
< 1 minute readWe’ll be honest. We didn’t see a single ball of this match. We were drinking Belgian beers and playing Goldeneye when it began and we were getting over that experience when it ended. On balance, we made the right choice. Seven one-day internationals between Australia and England a couple of
Continue readingMatthew Hayden Ashes reaction
< 1 minute readEven now, people often ask us to write about Matthew Hayden. We never do. Partly it’s that Hayden has retired and is therefore no longer ‘a target’. Mostly it’s just that we don’t like doing what people ask us to do. With that in mind, we’d like to emphasise that
Continue readingShane Watson v England
< 1 minute readAustralia might have had a better chance in the first Twenty20 international if 10 of them hadn’t been shit. The 11th player, Shane Watson, has suddenly found a world where hitting fifties and bowling straight medium-pace is quite handy. If he’d have found a competent team mate, Australia would have
Continue readingAnother reason why Australia lost the Ashes
< 1 minute readBeer sales are down. Moisturiser sales are through the roof. The metrosexualisation of Australian society has damaged the cricket team immeasurably. No-one eats steak any more; they all eat scallops in an Indonesian-style jus. When Simon Katich isn’t in Sydney, male body hair in the city is down by a
Continue readingCake having and eating
< 1 minute readMost of us find that part of the joy of cricket is that there’s always something to talk about. When a match is in the balance, you can pick it apart for hours trying to work out which team’s more likely to win. In the past, we’ve also found it
Continue readingScoring at four an over in Tests
< 1 minute readOnce upon a time, Australian batsmen averaging in the forties would be in danger of being given the boot if they couldn’t score at four an over. Just saying. In truth, Australia were wise not to let their bats stray too far from the stumps for most of yesterday’s play,
Continue readingAustralia’s fast bowlers in the 2010 Ashes
2 minute readYou can ask any England fan what qualities a bowling attack needs to bowl the opposition out in Australia. We all know. You need as many as possible of the following: Extreme pace Freakishly tall bowlers Mystery spin Reverse swing How many of those can you find in the current
Continue readingAustralia’s batsmen in the 2010 Ashes
2 minute readLet us say that we don’t actually think that Australia’s batsmen are all that bad. They are good players playing badly, which is slightly different. Batsmen under pressure are exposed more than bowlers because they don’t get second chances. You do something stupid that gets you out and that’s your
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