2 minute readYou’d think that by the age of 26, he’d know to look at the end of his legs, but no. Up until now Brendon McCullum’s been incorrectly forcing his footwear onto all sorts of incorrect body parts. He’s been a disaster zone of misapplied shoddery. McCullum’s been finding his feet
Continue readingCategory: England
Andrew Flintoff suffering from the wild shits
< 1 minute readStop the press! Our policy of bringing you news from the past can wait when there’s actual, real, brand-new news of this calibre: Andrew Flintoff can’t turn out for the England Lions because he’s got ‘a stomach bug’. Always bringing you the stories within the stories, we at King Cricket
Continue readingPaul Collingwood hits England’s fastest fifty
< 1 minute readPaul Collingwood, a man of incomparable aceness right now – in fact a man so ace he’s forcing full-grown men to write like 11-year-olds – hit England’s fastest ever fifty at some point in the recent past. Hitting England’s fastest ever fifty is a bit like being Australia’s most debonair
Continue readingPaul Collingwood – all-rounder (in one-day cricket)
2 minute readAn excellent all-round performance from Paul Collingwood: 3-43 with the ball and 70 not out off 50 balls. If it were Andrew Flintoff with those figures, everyone’d be giggling, dribbling and getting all rambunctious. They’d be saying ‘bring on the Aussies’ like morons due to the lack of blood supply
Continue readingMatthew Hoggard and Younis Khan play “spot the statistics nerd”
< 1 minute read‘Spot the statistics nerd’ isn’t a game you should play in a cricket ground when it’s anything other than completely empty. It’s no challenge at all. A game of ‘spot the fancy dress drunk’ was abandoned later that same day.
Continue readingHow to get run out
< 1 minute readWe nearly laid into England after their limp defeat in the first one-day international, but thought: ‘No. Wait. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for the minute.’ What a waste of an update. England have only gone and played just as pathetically in the second one-dayer. Feeble total
Continue readingProfessional cricketers fail to act their age
< 1 minute readA top score of 31 and a third of the team getting run out? A fielding side that dives around after everything like it’s tanked-up on E numbers? It’s under-11s cricket, isn’t it? There was a disappointingly small number of wides and the match wasn’t decided by the one kid
Continue readingMarston’s Pedigree Six
< 1 minute readMarston’s have brought out a new beer because they sponsor England. It’s called Pedigree Six on account of it being 6%. Mmm, boozy. We’re going to drink four ‘Sixes’ in honour of Dimitri Mascarenhas’s four sixes the other day (and with perhaps a nod towards our own alcohol dependence as
Continue readingTwenty20 takes 22 players
< 1 minute readWe really like Twenty20, but it can be difficult to report on. It’s more difficult to identify that one, stand-out performance from a player. Twenty20’s more of a team game than you might think. With only 20 overs, it makes sense that one big innings from a batsman decides the
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Dimitri Mascarenhas is handy down the order
< 1 minute readEngland don’t often find batsman who are pretty good. They have good and great batsmen at the top of the order and they have rubbish and not awful batsmen down the order, but there always seems to be a number eight-shaped hole in the batting card. In one-day cricket at
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