2 minute readWe are. We’d rather have Eoin Morgan, but if he’s got a knackered finger, we’ll settle for Bopara. This is a somewhat unfashionable opinion at the minute and we’re pretty sure it’s because of that phenomenon where Ashes performances are almost wholly responsible for forming people’s opinions. In 2009, Ravi
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If only there were an eighth one-day international between Australia and England
< 1 minute readWhat is the greatest mark of quality for any given one-day international? We’ve always thought that if a game features four wicketkeepers, that’s a pretty good sign. During the seventh one-day international between Australia and England, that dream was finally realised. In many ways, this match represented a high water
Continue readingAshes series were already too frequent
2 minute readWe’d like to add a slightly more sober footnote to our post from last Friday. We described back-to-back Ashes series as being ‘quite literally the worst idea of all time’. We stand by that and would like say that it’s actually the worst idea by an even greater margin that
Continue readingLiam Plunkett’s going to be eating highly compacted food served in square plastic dishes
< 1 minute readThat’s our way of saying that Liam Plunkett’s flying from the Caribbean to Australia to maybe-or-maybe-not appear in a dead rubber for England before flying back again. At least James Anderson had a new slavering bairn as a reason for racking up thousands of air miles. That’s a decent reason.
Continue reading10 Ashes Tests in a row
2 minute readSweet fucking Christ, does everyone in the world of cricket suffer from all three major forms of retardation? This is quite literally the worst idea of all time. Back-to-back Ashes series. Ten England v Australia Tests in a row. Does no-one who has control over anything have even the most
Continue readingHow to make one-day matches unmissable
2 minute readWe woke up this morning and just lay there. We knew there was cricket on, but we didn’t jump up. We’re getting a new mattress next week and currently it feels like we’re sleeping on a slight incline, constantly in danger of being rolled out of one side of the
Continue readingSamit Patel makes a commitment
< 1 minute readIt would seem that Samit Patel is fully committed to maintaining his lardy physique. As Andy Flower said: “He was chosen on the condition that he would improve his physical state to be in consideration for this squad of 15. He hasn’t done that.” Good work, Samit. That’s commitment. Don’t
Continue readingWhen a batsman reaches 100
< 1 minute readSam writes: As the third day of the final test in Sydney began I drifted off to sleep, the dulcet tones of Simon Mann hastening my journey along the winding road to slumbertown. An hour or so later I awoke to the news that Alastair Cook was out for 99,
Continue readingWhen Shane Watson hit 161 not out in a one-day match against England
< 1 minute readWe’ll be honest. We didn’t see a single ball of this match. We were drinking Belgian beers and playing Goldeneye when it began and we were getting over that experience when it ended. On balance, we made the right choice. Seven one-day internationals between Australia and England a couple of
Continue readingEngland are so bad we just threw up
< 1 minute readWe’re not sure we’ve ever seen an England side as bad as this. The top order keep throwing their wickets away. The bowling lacks pace and guile. There’s no plan. No cohesion. Midway through England’s innings we actually threw up due to acute dissatisfaction. We now feel completely irritated. COMPLETELY
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