< 1 minute read We can only do one impression and it’s an impression of our friend Neal doing an impression of himself. Not only are there very few people who could potentially appreciate it – it also isn’t particularly good. We are therefore filled with admiration for Jimmy Anderson and his note-perfect mimicry
Continue readingCategory: England
England can’t bat and Australia can’t bat
2 minute read Okay, let’s take stock. England can’t bat and Australia can’t bat. Generalising masks specific truths, but this is actually a fair summary of where we stand. Mo’tchell Johnson has gathered headlines, but England also failed to score off Ryan Harris (forgivable) and shed middle order wickets against Nathan Lyon (probably
Continue readingLiving within the England panopticon
2 minute read Writing in The Times, Mike Atherton has said of the England setup: “The impression is of a closed, institutionalised and claustrophobic world.” We’re sure he chose his words carefully. It’s also worth noting that this is a man who felt the strains of international cricket despite only ever considering it
Continue readingWhy has Jonathan Trott gone home from the Ashes?
3 minute read For all that we’re meant to be enlightened, modern folk who are au fait with mental health issues, there’s an odd reluctance to enter into specifics when someone is suffering ‘a stress-related illness’. Physical v mental In a sense, medical problems are nobody’s business but the sportsman in question. It
Continue readingDaubing England’s batsmen with emulsion
2 minute read Today’s grim moment of clarity came courtesy of Mark Butcher midway through the highlights which show immediately after the day’s play. “Michael Clarke made good decisions throughout this match,” he said. Note ‘made’ not ‘has made’. Australia had won then? The rest of the highlights were a joy, particularly when
Continue readingJonathan Trott and the short ball
2 minute read We’re wondering whether we just saw the most unforgiveable dismissal of all time. There have been worse shots, certainly, but IJL Trott c Lyon b Johnson 9 ticks a lot of boxes. First, there’s the backdrop. For months, the opposition have told you that you can’t play the short ball
Continue readingBatting badly as a unit – and as individuals
2 minute read There are times when you simply do not want to see James Anderson’s face. Switching on the TV at 6am was therefore a bleak moment. Upon noticing that he wasn’t wearing a helmet, the mental calculations were rapid, even at that hour. There was, quite simply, no way that this
Continue readingThe 27-year-old English medium pace bowler is far too much for Australia’s batsmen
< 1 minute read Brisbane’s Courier Mail floated the possibility of not mentioning Stuart Broad by name at all during this Test. Does anyone know if they did actually go with this front page in the end or was it just a canny publicity stunt? The newspaper suggested that they were only going to
Continue readingAnd now back to the cricket
< 1 minute read Because time waits for no-one. You might think you can dawdle around, taking things in, but you can’t. Time is ravaging you. It’s a slow process, but it’s happening all the time. Your pancreas is getting wrinkly; your spleen is going grey; your brain is starting to ache in cold
Continue readingEngland’s two seam bowlers
< 1 minute read The fight to be England’s third seamer is not a classic. It is a pillow fight, at best. In the warm-up matches, Chris Tremlett has taken one wicket in 37 overs; Boyd Rankin has three wickets from 49 overs; while Steven Finn tops the wicket tally with five wickets in
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