< 1 minute readHaving arrived in Perth, I quickly find myself a cricket club. The grade system is meritocratic and I will have to work my way up from the bottom, but that should be no trouble for Laurence Elderbrook. At my first net practice, few if any of the players appear to
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Laurence Elderbrook departs
2 minute readLaurence Elderbrook is beginning his Odyssey and Laurence Elderbrook will return as king of Ithaca. After an unexpected issue with my flights, I instead opt to travel to Australia by ship, the way all the greats did. The long hours during the trip give me plenty of time to practise,
Continue readingLaurence Elderbrook takes stock
< 1 minute readDespite the captain’s promise following my moment of triumph, I was not called upon to bat at three the following season. In fact, I was not called upon to bat at all. Having spent the entire season resplendent in my cream flannels on the wrong side of the boundary, I
Continue readingAsk the ‘expert’: How do you keep your flannels so immaculate?
< 1 minute readIf you’ve a question for Laurence Elderbrook, email us. Suave writes: I would like to ask how he keeps his flannels so immaculate? Being a fellow suave fella, I need to know these things, so I can look impeccable whilst missing a straight one. While Jo-Fitz asks the same question,
Continue readingAsk the ‘expert’: Should I wait for an apology?
< 1 minute readIf you’ve a question for Laurence Elderbrook, email us. CS writes: May I start this email by telling you how much I admire your restraint. After being run out by an inferior colleague who failed to make any kind of call, I left the crease (with my dignity preserved, of
Continue readingAsk the ‘expert’: Is your genius as admired on civvy street?
< 1 minute readAs promised, here is the first installment of our new feature where readers ask delusional sociopath, Laurence Elderbrook, whatever question they want and he rambles on about himself for a bit in response. If you’ve a question for the turgid buffoon, email us. First up, Lisa: Is your genius as
Continue readingLaurence prepares for a nailbiter
2 minute readIt is the final match of the season. We have to win and I have been entrusted with the pivotal number 11 slot. As the last batsman, all will hinge on my performance. Our opponents bat first and I am permitted to field from the dressing room, where I can
Continue readingLaurence shows his mental strength
2 minute readI am due to bat at number 10. How can I impose my will on the game from there? What is the point? When the time comes for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage, I am fast asleep. Roused by a team mate, I lash out with an arm to
Continue readingLaurence embraces the lower order
< 1 minute readFor some reason I am being asked to bat at nine. I don’t know why. I sit and watch our innings with the haunted air of the disenchanted. After what seems like weeks, it is my turn to bat. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage.
Continue readingLaurence embraces the modern way
2 minute readModern sides bat right down to number eight and as no-one else is up to the task, I step up. It’s deep into our innings before I am called upon. The bowlers will be flagging by now. I will take advantage. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take
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