< 1 minute readThree problems with the Twenty20 Cup. (1) While the matches are at a great time for supporters, they’re at a rubbish time for people writing about them because they finish during the beer hours. (2) There are about ten matches a day and we quite simply don’t have ten pieces
Continue readingAuthor: King Cricket
England v New Zealand second one-day international match report
< 1 minute readLemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I attended this match due to my brother and his drunken bidding at a charity auction. Phil Tufnell was the guest speaker at the auction and was, according to my brother, “rubbish”. If I ever have cause to arrange a guest speaker from the
Continue readingMatch reports and other assorted crap
< 1 minute readJust to let you all know, we’ve changed our email address to kingcricket@hotmail.co.uk. Our old email provider, Bluebottle, said we had to start paying for their service. They gave us 72 hours notice. Any of the following will be more than welcome at the new address: (1) Match reports. Keep
Continue readingKevin Pietersen’s ‘new shot’
< 1 minute readKevin Pietersen said: “That is a new shot, played today” after twice reversing his stance and whopping Scott Styris for six. No it isn’t. It’s batting left-handed. People have been batting left-handed for a while now. It’s a new approach though, even if it’s not a new shot. Is it
Continue readingAndrew Flintoff unveils his big surprise
< 1 minute read“Voila!” Brilliant, Fred. It’s a cricket ball. We’ve all seen a cricket ball before. What’s next in your box of tricks? A bat? A box?
Continue readingDon’t get a cricketer to do your tiling
< 1 minute readHere’s Ravi Bopara trying to do some tiling. Ravi! Stop! Everyone knows that you’re supposed to apply the adhesive to the wall and not to the tile. Now here’s Charlotte Edwards putting up the exact same tile. Q: How many cricketers does it take to put up one tile? A:
Continue readingKent v New Zealand match report
2 minute readLemon Bella writes, or rather ‘wrote’. Sorry for the delay. The disorganisation that led to this match report’s delayed appearance is totally, totally uncharacteristic. Totally. TOTALLY… Anyway, Lemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I went to the Kent v New Zealand match. On the first day there was quite a
Continue readingKevin Pietersen gets sledged by a worm
< 1 minute read“What did you say, you little bastard?” KP suffered a dislocated little finger and severe bruising to his fist shortly after this picture was taken.
Continue readingOwais Shah attempts to please his masters
< 1 minute readBad dog. No Test career for you.
Continue readingEngland win or lose to New Zealand
< 1 minute readThis is how you write a match report: a week early. England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner. James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of
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