Australia

Australia aren’t taking the Mickey any longer

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< 1 minute read

And thus they have sacked him. Darren Lehmann will replace Mickey Arthur as Australia’s head coach.

Lehmann is a decent replacement, but we feel the side would have been better off with an alternative candidate: Alf Stewart from Home and Away.

Stewart is from the no-nonsense school of professional Australianism. Furthermore, the actor who plays him, Ray Meagher, has extensive experience of imposing discipline from his stint on Prisoner Cell Block H. In short, he possesses the perfect skillset for whipping this Australian squad into shape.

Stumbling blocks may have been Meagher’s airtight Home and Away contract with Channel Seven and the fact that Stewart is a fictional character.

OH NO!

Roelof van der Merwe just heard you haven't yet signed up for the King Cricket email...

...so he's on his way to see you!

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12 comments

  1. Every team should be managed by a fictional character. I hear Surrey are in talks with Rab C Nesbitt.

  2. Is Alf Stewart an excellent communicator?

    Is he related to Mickey Stewart?

    So many questions, so few answers, so little time, so much trouble in the world.

  3. Is Pat ‘Shouldn’t I be managing the Wallabies instead?’ Howard still in a job?

    1. you-must-be-shitting-me 🙂

      erm, yeah. i am one of those who feel a bit more nervous now than they did yesterday. having started the day with a cracking bout of schadenfreude, i am now concerned that CA might have stopped the rot just in time. but then, two weeks is a desperately short amount of time for a new coach to have a serious impact in a situation like this. or is it?? this kind of thing happens in football all the time: new manager, losing team immediately wins its next four games blah blah. different circumstances, surely..? see, i just can’t make up my mind. but i’ve gone from being convinced that the aussies couldn’t possibly get anything out of this series to feeling that they somehow just might.

      then again, “boof” may end up letting the side down by saying something racist or whatever. this may yet work out in our favour…

  5. For the last year Boof has had Luke Pomersbach in his team for both QLD and Punjab. During that time, no allegations of pissartistry, vehicular shenanigans or unexpected affection have emerged. That speaks volumes for his man management.
    The real test of whether this is ‘progress’ will be whether the same dysfunctional batting lineup it selected for all 5 tests, or whether the tough calls will be made. Given Clarke has stepped down as selector I’m tipping it will be the latter.

    1. Perhaps Clarke has stepped down as selector because he knows he isn’t fit to play these Ashes, so wants to be blameless if/when he ends up playing again with some of discarded.

      But who are the natural replacements in the Aussie batting line up to strike fear into the hearts of Anderson, Broad, Finn & Swann?

    2. It’s not about fear as much as ‘surviving 5 days without being dismissed twice’. In that regard Rogers/Cowan should be our preferred openers with Hughes or Watson first drop. Usman Khawaja can and has bored for his state on many occasions so he can go 4, Clarke at 5. Steve Smith’s selection seems to be based on him not sucking quite as much as the incumbent players, but given the aim of the game is ‘survival’ he seems suited to 6. Throw in Haddin at 7. With that lineup and a bit of rain there is a slim chance of avoiding a 5-0 result.
      In general the squad is ridiculously light on middle order batsmen so they want to hope that everyone stays fit and no one has a really bad run.
      Whichever way things go, Warner should be in his natural position which is looking after the drinks.

  6. Dear KC

    This post made me LOL, more of the same please.

    Perhaps a series of posts for each team and their new fictional character coach?

    Thanks

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