England

Ask Michael Vaughan a question

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Michael Vaughan thinks that's a very good questionRecovered England captain, Michael Vaughan, is being interviewed tomorrow (Thursday) and you may be able to have your question put to him if you comment here.

We would ask him to conjugate a verb and then watch him fall at the first-person hurdle.

Then we would ask him the one question that we always ask people: if you could have an additional body part taken from another animal, what would you have and why?

Update: CNN International want us to credit CNN International in this post and point out that some of these suggested questions will be put to Vaughan on air on CNN International.

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Or WG Grace and Billy Murdoch will be forced to come round your house and...

... do things...

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26 comments

  3. I think the question is – what additional body part taken from another animal would YOU choose (and how would you manage to persuade the animal in question to part with it)?

    Personally, I’ve always fancied an extra stomach, such as cows have.

  4. He is a busy boy – he’s doing a book-signing at 12.30p.m. at Waterstones on London Wall (nr Liverpool Street) as well if anyone wants to ask him in person if he’d rather have a chicken’s head or a gecko’s tongue

  5. An extra stomach’s a brilliant suggestion, but aren’t you concerned about what you would have to eat? Your new stomach probably won’t be able to cope with meat for example.

    We’d probably go for a kangaroo pouch. We never seem to have big enough pockets for all the crap we have to carry around. A pouch would be handy.

  6. Sonar, mighty teeth, the ability to spin webs, a prehensile tail, poisonous spines, feet with suckers on them, wings, blond hair, and opposable thumbs.

  9. Sonar, so that I could avoid things with my eyes shut.

    Actually, if cricketers had sonar we could banish forever “Bad Light Stopped Play”, and we would resolve at a stroke all the issues about what colour ball should be used in day-night tests. Some work would need to be done with batting helmets, to give the required huge ears the space they need.

    Presumably, this would be Michael Vaughan’s answer.

  10. The super thick and hardened skull of that dinosaur that used to headcharge others. For that reason.

  11. Excellent suggestion Bert and more importantly, excellent reasoning.

    Ed, what about if Cyberdemons weren’t real?

    Matt B, who would you headcharge?

  13. Can’t imagine you see that many golden rings hovering way above you, but the satisfying ‘brrring’ sound probably justifies it when you do.

    You could also easily outrun gangs of vicious youths if it came down to it.

  14. It’s a bit more complicated than I thought. You’d have to have a law about catching the ball in oversized ears. I don’t think any of us would want to see baseball-style undroppable catching. I’ve draughted a law, just in case:

    Law 31.5
    Should a player be determined to have been genetically modified so as to have sonar-capable ears, these ears must not be deliberately used to catch or field the ball. When in the field, the ears should have a mesh affixed thereonto to prevent catches from being taken. The umpires must use their judgement on the matter of fielding the ball. A five run penalty should be awarded to the batting side, and the batsman is to be given Not Out.

    Law 31.6
    Law 31.5 does not apply to Andy Caddick, despite appearances.

  15. Ah! Has a mesh that will not inter fear with the sonic receptivity of the ears been invented?

    Until one has there is no point in having the modified ears. Better to genetically develop folding ears, so that once the fielder is certain of the whereabouts of the ball, the movement of hands into catching position and the lowering of the ears is as one movement.

    Penalty points etc as above for fielders not quick enough. [They might risk damaging their hearing, to avoid this a sharpening up the quality of fielding would have to occur]

  17. I’d quite like the neck of an owl.

    I’ve hurt my neck and presently it hurts when I look to the left.

    An owl’s neck would help with this.

  19. I would like one of the phosphorescent lures angler fish have on their heads. This would hang out about the distance a good length ball would land from the batsman, overcoming Bert’s need to tinker the laws of the game to accommodate his freakish abnormality.It would also come in very handy for finding keys at night, luring fish to their death and would look much more sophisticated than those camping/caving headlamps that you strap on.

    I like the idea of the kangaroo pouch though. Having somewhere else to put your keys when strolling naked sounds very attractive.

  20. The neck of an owl (for a neck or for a wrist) is one of the better suggestions we’ve heard.

    A phosphorescent lure is also excellent. It would also function as a beacon on occasions when friends needed to locate you in a crowd.

  22. I’d like any (or all) of;

    Eyes of the Hawk
    Ears of the Wolf
    Strength of the Bear
    Speed of the Puma

  23. I’d like a tail that I could shed when attacked to confuse potential predators. This tail would then have the ability to regenerate, like geckos and that. I would use this to confuse predators.

  25. Oh and a peacock’s tail, because I’m unbelievably vain, and if that doesn’t attract the ladies, my chat certainly won’t.

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