County cricket / South Africa

Andre Nel – Surrey not South Africa

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Andre Nel chills outWe’re never a fan of international cricketers retiring to seek their fortune in the county game. It seems so backwards. We’re especially displeased when it’s a cricketer like Andre Nel who’s been so important in our life.

Andre Nel taught us that, in life, it doesn’t matter how bumbling and unathletic your run-up is. As long as you brain your boyhood heroes with bouncers and burst into tears immediately afterwards, that’s all that matters.

He taught us that it doesn’t matter if you have a demented alter ego called Gunther who lives in the mountains who doesn’t get enough oxygen to the brain. As long as you attract strange comments that seem to refer to your manhood, you’ll go a long way.

He taught us that it doesn’t matter what onlookers say to you, as long as you use crude and abusive language right back at them, you can get banned from domestic cricket for a period of time.

And at the end of the day, isn’t that what life’s about? Being ineligible for selection for the remaining two matches of the season?

OH NO!

Roelof van der Merwe just heard you haven't yet signed up for the King Cricket email...

...so he's on his way to see you!

Similar deliveries:

Is England v South Africa a series we should care about? Default ThumbnailMore Andre Nel depravity Default ThumbnailAndre Nel has a request Default ThumbnailSouth Africa select bowlers on the basis of bowling ability

13 comments

  1. Am deeply hopeful of Werewolf Andre and Bloodaxe Raprakash having an ensemble hissy fit – or possibly a trio with Surrey’s new director of cricket

  3. Oh Bert, that would be a dream..

    Imagine Gunther in a shocking pink sequined number, open to the waist, giving rage to Arlene Philips.

    I’d pay good money for that, I tells ya!

  4. As in the photo above:

    “SIX OUT OF TEN! GUNTHER DOESN’T LIKE SIX! AAAARRRGGGGHHH”

    (You have to imagine the pink dress, but it’s worth the effort.)

  5. Unfortunately Bert, it’s all that I’ve been able to think of, for the last three hours.

    It will haunt my dreams for the foreseeable future.

  9. It’s magnificent, Ceci, truly magnificent. I think I need to go and have a little cry.

  10. Love it, Ceci. And Andre Nel on Strictly? I can kiss goodbye Saturday nights out for the duration of his involvement in the series, then.

    I wonder who his partner would be. I’d love him with feisty Lillia but I reckon she’s a bit short. Maybe calm Erin Boag would be a good foil for him.

  11. Not for the first time, I have absolutely no idea what you lot are wittering on about.

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