A template for a new England team

1. Mildly amusing, KC.

   Extremely well done.

2. Do you even have a day job to give up?

   Anyway, I like Alastair Cook’s comment in this week’s badger, primarily for its completeness and its focus on the very people who matter most:

   “As a captain I seem to have got rid of two coaches and an MD”

   …

   and the best spinner for 30 years…

   and two of the best middle order for 20 years…

   and a number of promising openers…

   and anyone who bats with flair…

   and the entire pool of third seamers…

   …

   and all hope.

   1. For those who don’t know, this week’s Badger is Cricket Badger, a weekly email we write.

      You can sign up here: http://www.sportsbadger.com/

   2. Well that’s a coincidence, because I found the Alastair Cook quotation on a fragment of a cricket magazine found inside the roast badger we have on Thursdays.

3. Typical Paul Merton bullshit.

4. ‘The article undermines England side to appear funny … Now, every remote chance of getting KP in is ruled out … so, SL and India can breathe easy and look for a competitive series in England’

   Now look what you’ve done.

   1. We cannot be held responsible.

      We CANNOT be held responsible…

5. I want to tell Bob Martin that your article is serious, DEAD serious.

   1. I meant bobmartin

   2. It’s a type of bird, we believe. The bobmartin has a brown head and a brown body and brown wings and it eats soil.

6. KC, did you put the caption on the picture on that Cricinfo piece?

   1. No, but we like it.

7. The bobmartins are migrating to the UK from their over wintering in Marbella at the moment. I saw a flock in a household refuse and white goods recycling centre in Kiddiminster not last week.
   They were swooping among a collection of mid-1980s eletrolux fridge freezers being prepared for processing so as to comply with EU regulation No 842/2006. It was quite a majestic sight.

   1. There is little so awe-inspiring as nature.

8. KC, why are you trying to stuff Wisden down our throats every week? And STOP calling me a cheapskate – I prefer the term ‘brilliantly frugal’.

   1. The short answer is so that Wisden will stuff Cricket Badger down its readers’ throats.

9. I notice that Glenn Chapple has taken over as Lancashire coach after Moores’ departure. Who will do all the Lancashire batting now?

   1. Glenn Chapple.

      We would have thought that would be self evident.

   2. Despite his age, he is the man of the moment. The preponderance of unnecessary letters in modern cricketers’ names has been well documented here, and the man they’re calling The Freckles Who Plays Cricket Somewhere Near Eccles has two of them. If only the selectors had realised this twenty years ago, I guarantee we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.

   3. After double-L Allan Donald and double-T Ottis Gibson, he’s making a strong case to become England’s next bowling coach.

10. I took the “mildly amusing” comment to be high praise from an avid Paul Merton fan who assumes that writing humour is your day job, KC.

    Have I grabbed hold of the wrong end of the stick and started beating about the bush with it?

11. I used to have a girlfriend called Daisy who thought two in the bush was better than one in the hand

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