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It’s very easy to blank out the finer details of sportsmen’s injuries. Getting knee-knack and gammy-hammy are occupational hazards, so we tend to only really take in the word ‘injured’ before wondering who’ll replace the player in question.
But Graham Onions had spinal surgery. Think about that. Someone tore a ruddy great hole in his body and buggered about with his spine. They drilled a titanium pin into it and then stitched him back up again.
Now here’s the worst part: Graham Onions knows this. When he runs into bowl, somewhere in the back of his mind, he is vaguely aware that his vertebrae have been tinkered with. That’s liable to inhibit your movements.
Onions is over the worst of it now though. His surgery’s a memory, his back’s still intact and he’s getting stuck into all the evil bodily contortions necessitated by fast bowling.
But fast bowlers are quickly forgotten and there was a very real chance Onions would never play for England again. Others performed well in his absence and there was no guarantee he’d bowl well, even if he managed to return at all. Now, thanks to ‘rotation’ and stacks of wickets, he’s potentially in line for another Test match. We’ll be very happy for him if he plays.
Graham Onion’s back?
Balls. It’s been so long I forgot if he was Onion or Onions. Please excuse the misplaced apostrophe.
Graeme Onions’ back’s back.
Tremendous hover caption.
Yes. That is a special hover caption
Best hover caption ever
The following has nothing to do with Onions.
I was trying to post a comment yesterday, and this site gave me a big, fat “Internal Server Error” message. Now, I realize this might not be news, but this one was different. Among other things, it accused me of causing the error. “….report to the system administrator about anything that you might have done that caused this” said the message. This is IRREFORQUABLE.
This has distressed me so much I had to make up a new word to describe how I feel.
We’re going to move the site at some point, but we’ve this horrible fear the new host won’t be any better.
It’s very hard to get an impartial view about such things – not least because every website’s needs are different. This site is too busy for the ‘blog’ hostings which get advertised, but doesn’t warrant the same hosting as a newspaper or e-commerce site.
Also, we don’t know what we’re doing and have this fear that we’ll delete the internet.
Be less popular. Not sure how you’d do this. Your standards are already rock bottom
So do you want to see Onions play test cricket because you think he is one of Englands top # (insert a number) test bowlers? Or do you just think that he’s a nice bloke and deserves another game? Or am i once again missing the point? Is there even a point? Is that too many questions in one post? i think it might be, but what do i know?
Top six seam bowlers certainly and he is a nice bloke as well. Our point is really that it takes a bit of something to come back from an injury like that, so we admire him.
He’s impressive, not express but he uses the ball well. Bit like that other fellow who did well then got injured… Simon Jones was it? I had him picked as your main man for the next few years, funny how these things turn out.
Question for you all – IF the selectors play both Onions AND Finn which ‘allrounder’ do you keep Barbie or Bresnan?
How many English cricketers are there with food names?
Graham Onions
Phil Mustard
Alec Stew-art
Mark Eal-ham
I’m out
We call Graham Onions ‘Jambon-Gris Oignons’.
No-one else does, but that’s two foods.
Alec STEWart
Graham FOWLer
Alan LAMB
Tony GREGGS PIES
John HAMpshire
Colin COWdrey
BEEFy Botham
Derek PRINGLES
Phil MUSTARD
Graham SWANn (it’s food in my house)
Matthew HOGgard
ABERDEEN ANGUS Fraser
Graham ONIONS
And clearly, the only captain that could combine them into a coherent offering would be Alastair COOK.
And bringing on the drinks…
Trevor BAILEYS
Jack Russell.
No?
Only in certain far eastern countries KC.
Surprised no one has even considered the mighty Rob QUICHE yet.
Sir Geoffrey Spam?
I don’t know how I missed Derek Pringles.
What about these:
Kevin PEAstersen
John EmBERRY
Jim TROUTon
Tim MUTTON
Vikram SoLAMBki
Andrew FlinTOFFEE
Martin McCAKE
Martin McCake’s a cracker.
Geoffrey BoyCOTTAGE PIE.
Gladstone SMALL PORTION OF CHIPS.
Tim AMBROSIA
Dougie BROWN SAUCE
Martyn mOXOn
Monty PANEERsar
ROGAN JOSH Buttler
Phil DeFRY-UPtas
Dominic PORK
Jonathan SAAGnew
KEBABir Ali
Mark RampraHASH
KaBEER ALIGOT.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aligot
Something glorious is happening.
Paul ALLOTTOFFISHTOGOWITHTHEGLADSTONESMALLPORTIONOFCHIPSMENTIONEDABOVE
But seriously, isn’t this what being British is all about. No play at the test match, but are we bothered? NO! Because instead we can all amuse ourselves by with the equally interesting activity of drawing up a list of cricketers that sound like food. Marvellous.
And yes, it is EQUALLY INTERESTING children. Do you think I can fix the weather? Hmm? Do you think I can make it stop raining? Do you? Or maybe we should all get out of the car and go and sit on the beach in the pouring rain anyway? No? Well stop bloody moaning and enjoy yourselves, for god’s sake!
Johnny BEARS TOE?
(Might make a nice starter. Probably a tad expensive, though.)
If you run out of food puns there is a cracker of a bowling demonstration going on between Pakistan and SriLanka right now. Assuming the rain holds off there too.
Either way it opens up a whole new range of food related names.
Johnny Bear’s Toe. We’ve reached the nadir.
Worse than Gareth Cross buns?
Or Stephen Moore Gareth Cross buns?
More importantly, do they drop Bresnan for this match since the inevitable draw will break his talismanic unbroken run of wins?
Oh, and
Alan EGGlesden
Matthew FALAFELliott (not English, admittedly)
Martin SAAGers
Vince WELSH RAREBIT
John M&Mburey
OR
John Creme Brulee
OR
…
No, that’s all
John Creme Brulee?
Oh ye Gods.
John M&Mburey’s good though. Full marks.
Colin MilBURNT TOAST
Len MUTTON
Steve HarBISON
Monty PARMESAN
Michael CARBONARA
Michael LAMB
Craig CHEESEwetter
Nasser HUSSain
Arthur DOLPHIN
John CHILDs (a modest proposal)
Ajmal SHADzad
Tony PIGott
James WhitHAKEr
Jimmy OrMONDO BURRITTO
Okay, back to work.
Rory HAM-EEL-TONGUE-BRAN.
I’m not sure whether I’m proud or ashamed.
You’re proud. How could you not be?
Toblerone Canned-Jones.
That’s ‘Toby Roland-Jones’ by the way and we’re not quite sure what ‘canned Jones’ might be.
After this feast, we’ll all be in need of some Sunil Gaviscon…
Zing
Scott BORSCHTwick
Dean HEAD-CHEESE
It’s not too pleasant, but perhaps you could try
A LICKED, CHEWED HORS D’OEUVRE?
That’s almost as good as A KNEELING OX
http://tinyurl.com/c755amh
And for dessert, some Marcus TRES LECHES CAKE
It’s funny because throughout all this pain you all missed Clive Rice.
CLIVE FUCKING RICE, people. We had Jimmy OrMONDO BURRITTO before that. Jesus.
Clive Rice wasn’t English.
He probably still isn’t.
Anyway
Michael BEER
James FOSTERS
Michael BOLLINGER
Fred RUMsey
Farokh EnGINeer
It’s lunch where I come from
Dickie BIRD
He’d need a Mark BUTCHER mind
And of course who could forget dear old WH MOULE.
Graham Onions is forever doomed to having posts admiring his cricketing qualities devolve into an orgy of cricketers with food names.
Some BresNAN to go with your Stuart BROTH and Jonathan TROTTERS?
David GOUDA
Graham GOOSE
Wayne LARKins
Bernard BANQUET
Brian CLOVES
Jim AllenBRIE
SIRLOIN MUTTON (I’d forgotten he was a knight before)
Josh COBb
Harold GIBLETt
Douglas SARDINE
Obviously, you’d cook all this on either your Jack HOBBS, your Jonathan AGAnew or your RANGEitsinhji.
This is brill. I’m just hoping that there’s no play tomorrow as well, so we can all play the cricketers-with-names-that-are-two-types-of-wedding-aniversary game.
I’ll start you off with Chris Silverwood. Over to you…
JADE GOL-DERNbach
Robert KRAFT
Nick KNIGHT ROAST
Craig WHITEBREAD
Ian ALLOTMENT VEGETABLES
Paul ALLOTMENT VEGETABLES, sorry.
Ian WARd ICKSHIRE ROAST HAM
Bob APPLEyard
Raman SUBWAY Row
Basil D’OLIVE-OIL-A
Dennis PICCALILLI
Bruce FRENCH MUSTARD
Matthew MAYNARDS WINE GUMS
Martin SANGERS
Basil D’OLIVE-OIL-A has to win this award
George BEAN
John CRAPP
Gerge DUCKworth
Lawrence FISHlock
Fred TRUeMAN’s ALEment
Simon KITKATich
Jeez, that’s it.
Matt Hayden. No food pun. Just putting it out there.
Ian Ronald BELL PEPPER
aLAMB mullLAMBly
CRISP lewis
warren EGG
ronnie BIRIANI
stephen HOVIS
gaVINO HAMilton
devon MILKolm
steve watKINDER EGG
mike BEERley
mike GATEAUXing
shaun uDAAL
RAVIOLI Bopara
When the Saffers returned to Cricket, they were so wary of food poisoning on their first tour – to India – that they brought their own (Clive) Rice, (Jimmy) Cook and (Kepler) Vessels.
Not to mention Allan Doughnut-ALD, Richard Snail and Ali Baker
Paul TERRY’S CHOCOLATE ORANGE
Norman COWans
John StephHENson
Ian SalisBERRY
Craig WHITE COFFEE
Joey BenjaMINI EGG
Min PATEl
Chris Adams APPLE
MARS BAR Trescothick
CHICKEN RIKKI MASSALA Clarke
Ian BLACK PUDDINGwell
Chris TremLETTUCE
SANDWICH Patel
Oh God. What have I become.
CUCUMBERT SUCTCLIFFE
I go away for a few days and the King Cricket site goes to pot.
Lancashite Hot Pot to be specific.
(Lancashite was a typing error originally, but after todays CB40 debacle against the county formerly derided as Piddlysex, I think Lancashite is apposite.)