Posted by We’re not really sure what to write about today. We suppose we should make reference to India v West Indies, but we were either asleep or at work for today’s play, so we don’t really have much to say.
Looking at the scorecard, we’re kind of irritated that MS Dhoni hit a hundred. Now, we love Dhoni and rate him very highly as an adamantium-cored individual who rarely gets het up about owt, but the third hundred of an innings always devalues the two before it. That’s what we object to.
Rahul Dravid’s in the middle of a fantastic run of Test form, came into bat when things were trickier, yet got fewer runs than both Laxman and Dhoni. On top of that, his tons are continually being overshadowed by Sachin Tendulkar failing to score hundreds. Now that’s just taking the piss.
Still, things could be worse for him. Every single thing that has happened to him this morning could have massively irritated him such that he’s spent half his morning pressing his face into his desk in a failed bid to squeeze out the pessimism he feels regarding the future of the human race.
In today’s other news:
* Pope states that he is a Catholic
* Scientists declare that the sky’s colour should be described as a shade of blue
* Other scientists confirm that some brown smelly stuff discovered in the woods is excrement originating from bears
http://www.espncricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/540309.html
Cricinfo has a feature called Ask Steven, in which people are allowed to “Ask” some bloke called “Steven” questions of a statistical / historical nature. Given the events of last week, it is no surprise to find that this week it is all about Newlands 2011. I went for a look. Not to gloat, you understand, just to, er, try to, er, get a better insight into the nature of the match. Yes, that’s what I was doing.
However, I have to say I was sorely disappointed with the standard of question. They are simply anodyne. One Australian even managed to ask about Shane Watson’s five-for! His team was bowled out for 47 and all he could wonder was whether Shane Watson’s five wickets was especially fast (it wasn’t). Why oh why didn’t someone ask better questions than these? For example:
• Hello Steven. Australia found themselves at 21 for 9 at one point. In historical terms, how crap are they?
• Hi Stevie boy. Australia’s completed second innings was their fourth lowest in tests. Does this mean they are destined for 100 years of being the worst team in the world?
• Yo S! In 2007 Australia routed their old enemy the English in a 5-0 Ashes series victory. Does this latest result mean that series has been deleted from the history books in a Stalin-esque manner?
• Dear Mr. Lynch. India declared their first innings on 631, which is exactly 13.43 times as many runs as Australia managed to scrape together at Newlands last week. Is this the lowest point in the whole history of Australian cricket?
You see what can be done with a bit of thought.
Bert has been rather prolix since he’s been in musk.
Well
I mean
er
Would you like a hug?
Don’t like touching.
Don’t listen to him, he loves hugs. *loves* them. I saw him hugging a taxidermy once.
That’s the most disgusting thing anyone’s ever written.
Did it work? Did you squeeze out all the pessimism?
Oh. You did.
What a mess. Clean it up.
Dirty.
But what if pessimism, like stubborn fat, insists on depositing itself in thick layers around the midsection? And if the body only sends pockets of it to the brain, there’s no way of getting rid of it by squeezing one’s face.
And it certainly doesn’t help Bert is talking about someone called Lynch.
When you say ‘we were either asleep or at work for today’s play’, you probably mean that you were doing both at different times, but I prefer to imagine you find the two activities indistinguishable or interchangable.