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Bobby K writes:
I have just ordered a new bat and been told by the pod shaver that he has a piece that was made for someone else that may suit me.
There is however one problem. As a Spurs fan, I am not a major fan of the colour red. The fellow will change the stickers for me, but only at a cost.
My question is, should I:
(a) Grow up?
(b) Pay up?
(c) Not mix cricket and football?
(d) Accept that I am a tailender and not buy a new bat?
All of the above.
As you are not “paying up” for the bat, you can pay up to me instead.
I shall soon present you with my fee note for the advice I have just dispensed to you.
No problems
Send the bill to Sean Morris, c/o Royals Global Branding Initiative.
All of the above. You’ll probably not get a bat too often anyway though, as your top order are so utterly dominant.
I think firstly you need to find out exactly what he meant when he said it would suit you. He is, presumably, a salesman, and therefore is not to be trusted. For example, he might have meant that it doesn’t have any wasted material for your style of batting, having two edges and no middle. He might also have meant that it would suit you because you have some money and he wants some money, a perfect fit in the eyes of a salesman-type.
As a fellow tail ender I can proudly boast that I own 2 bats.
The first is a kookaburra big kahuna in A grade english willow. The stickers are green. The second is a grey nichols predator in kasmir willow with the traditional red stickers.
After rigorous scientific testing using these two I can highly recommend a bat with red stickers. It goes much faster.
e) Stop being a Spurs fan?
Perhaps, Bert, Bobby K’s enterprising chum has confused him with his namesake? I can imagine he had plenty of time to assess the other Bobby K’s technique in those happy summer days at Lords in 2004.
Bert, I don’t need to shamelessly plug Redback Cricket but I assure you that Gary, the fellow that makes the bat is not only one of the worlds best batmakers in the world but is a thoroughly decent bloke.
Its very much a one man band and Gary isn’t a salesperson.
He also makes osme of the best bats you are likely to ever use.
As a fellow follower of the mighty Spurs, I say you should get the stickers changed.
As a tail-ender, I’d be happy to have any red marques on my bat…
Well said, Bobby. I would still offer a word of caution, though. At my level of cricket / golf / squash / badminton I need a bat / bats / bat / bat that is good enough to help my game, but not so good that it removes all the excuses I might have for poor performance. I need to feel that improved play would be just around the corner, if only I could have that new such-and-such. In your case, as it would seem that the bat in question is going to be nigh on perfect, you might need to retain the red sticker for excuse-making purposes.
“Gah! Damn this Arsenal bat. I should be Clyde Walcott, not Theo.”
From some very unscientific testing we did at Cricket Burble (sample of 3) we found that the answer to your question (d) is no – buying relatively expensive bats helped all 3 of us to better scores!
Keep it red. I’m a spurs fan, but also a Suave fucker, so I’d never knock red out of anything just because Arsenal wear red. Come on, we’re not 11 now!
It’ll also be the only bit of red in the middle of said bat, so keep it.
So this guy has a bat kicking around that isn’t wanted and he’s trying to get you to buy it. Aren’t you doing him a favour? Surely he should change the stickers for free?
But the answer in any case is a) grow up.
Dan, I am quiet happy to pay for this bat as it is an absolute corker by all accounts.
Balls. Fussing over equipment is a load of absolute bullshit.
A new bat – what’s that?
and (C) [Spurs are doing just fine.]
Hmmm… after last night Spurs are doing the usual postioning for 10th at the end of the season.
As a fellow Spurs fan, conside the colours to be that of Dagenham and Redbridge… or even Charlton.
That would work for me.
I think you are right to be worried about the red, because what if a bull charges onto the field of play at you when you are batting? Your natural instinct would be to lash your bat at it in defence, but the red sticker would only rile the bull further! Honestly, sometimes people simply do not think things through. And they wonder why the manufacturing industry is in decline.
Miriam, as any fule kno bulls are colour blind and it is the wild waving of the bat which would cause ructions – firm sensible forward defensive prodding would be the safe way to deal with such a problem
it’s no mongoose.
That’s what I mean Jo – you don’t really expect more do you?
Cows can be quite dangerous too – they are more likely to be encountered on the field of play. If you can get the ball to hit one you’ll get a boundary. Presumably that applies to dogs, foxes and mongooses too? Although if you get one of the local squirrels, it won’t be too good for the squirrel?