2009: The year in cricket

2 minute read

It’s got to be done. Brace yourself for some links. Maybe bookmark the page for later but never actually read it. That’s what we’d do.

January

• Peter Moores said Liberty X were derivative and Kevin Pietersen said that Moores was an inbred Maxonian obsessed with wheelie bin collections. England lost their captain and coach.
• Some crappy batsman called Matthew Hayden retired.

February

• England got the bat-on-ball to ball-on-stump ratio wrong and were bowled out for 51 by Jerome Taylor.
• Sir Allen Stanford was found to be the kind of guy who’d step over a heart attack victim in order to return their shopping trolley to get the quid from out of it. He was charged with fraud.

March

• Australian spin bowling got clubbed to death.

April

• Rob Key took a wicket and therefore became the world’s first 100 percent awesome individual.

May

• We published the second worst picture of all time.
• We published the worst picture of all time.

June

• England foolishly played Holland to open the Twenty20 World Cup.
• Shahid Afridi bizarrely renounced pointless risk-taking, but still won the Twenty20 World Cup for Pakistan.

July

• The Ashes began and we all developed heart defects almost immediately.
• Andrew Flintoff announced his retirement from Tests because of the whole otter-fridge thing.
• Mitchell Johnson was shit.

August

• We had a dream about a cricket match at Headingley.
• England won the Ashes.
• Australia lost the Ashes.

September

• Weirdly, nothing happened in September. There wasn’t a seven match one-day series or anything.

October

• Brett Lee won the Twenty20 Champions League for New South Wales.

November

• Sachin Tendulkar rendered the result of a one-day match utterly meaningless with one of the greatest innings in defeat.

December

• India became the best-ranked Test side.

Anything else?

• We only published THE GREATEST POST OF ALL TIME.